THE WEB I WEAVE

It all started about 9 months ago... It's out of control now really. I had no intention of it getting this bad. The lying, the cheating, the sheer fabrication... But it's my only hope sometimes. My only chance. Sometimes, it's The. Only. Way. To. Get. My. Three. Year. Old. To. Get. In. The. Car.

And. Quiet.

HOWEVER, my days of lying may have come to an end. The kid is on to me. He knows that the sign in the public bathroom doesn't say "Pee here, or you can't get an ice cream." He knows that Page 12 of the never ending book about a weird horse named Freelander or something like that, doesn't say "Time to get some rest! To continue reading, close book and start again tomorrow night." AND he KNOWS that the street sign, or any other sign for that matter, (the grocery store, library, park, etc, etc) doesn't ALWAYS mean "it's closed."

In fact, my bullshit parade is so transparent, that he even tried to pull a fast one on another child at a birthday party a few weeks ago. The party was a picnic at the park, so Jonah had his little T-Ball stand and bat with him. When the child, who was about 6 months or so younger than him, tried to share the bat, Jonah yanked it, pointed to the writing on the bat and said: "NO! It's says, 'No children except for Jonah can use this bat.'" Oops.

Sure, he's clever and quick, but what about when he really can read? Am I screwed or is he? The other day while driving, he was pointing out letters on every sign he saw.

At one point he said, "S.T.O.P. Stop!" Brilliant.

"How about 'H.O.M.E,'" I said virtually sounding out. "Do you know what that spells?"

"Pink Berry!" Right.

Perhaps this lying game can continue on for just a wee bit longer....