LANGUAGE BARRIER

Here's the thing: I like sports. I do. I like watching sports. I do. And it's probably mostly because I like men... and chips (...and dip...and beer), but still, I like sports. I do. However, it's a language, that doesn't come naturally to me. I hear the announcers speaking. I hear words. English words, even... Yet, I simply do not comprehend. SIR, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. In fact, without fail, every Superbowl, I have to relearn what is happening. Generally speaking, of course, I know the importance of a touchdown or a defensive tackle (just kidding, I really don't), but when it comes to following the game and the intricacies of the sport- I'm lost. I don't follow.

I've always attributed my inability to comprehend sports talk with the fact that I grew up with a single mom and I sang Dionne Warwick songs in the shower... and for anyone that would listen. But lately, I realized it's something else. I am a female. (Yes, there are those women who GET sports and understand what Al Michaels is saying, I know.) But there is a chemical, I think, missing from my brain- a deficit in the lobe or hemisphere or whatever of my brain where language comes from, that it simply down for the count.

It occurred to me recently that THIS language barrier though doesn't stop at sports. The other day, Jonah begged me to buy him a Transformers book. First off, isn't he a little young? Second, I said yes. I want to be the cool mom that can talk all things Decepticon and Opitmus Prime. Except, what the F is a Decepticon ?! As I read him this book, and his face lit up, I expected him to ask seven thousand questions about what was happening and why Autobots are firing missiles (missiles?! really? He's not even 4!) BUT, he said nothing! He listened as if he actually understood what all this meant. In fact, the only thing he asked was what a "Corvette" was (Apparently "Sideswipe" turns into a Corvette?? I don't know. It's confusing). ANYWAY, my point is, I'm relieved... because though he has a single mom and we may watch Mary Poppins together, at the end of the day, he has been born, and maybe even blessed, with a gene that I will never have... He will understand the world of the Galactic Empire... he will appreciate Middle-Earth, and he will find movies like "Caddyshack" and "Fletch" funny until he's well into his 30's....

Inherently, I have a boy. And apparently, he's already from Mars....

Well. Okay... Go Lakers.

MOMMA'S BOY

I wanted to write about my new favorite show "Whatever, Martha" on Fine Living Network- I stumbled upon this gem last week. Alexis Stewart, Martha's daughter sits around with her friend Jennifer and watches old Martha Stewart Living segments and literally talks shit.  I mean, literally. She calls her mom uptight, sexless, makes fun of how boring and ridiculous it is... One segment she made fun of Martha's guest who is a twine collector. Yes, twine. Anyway, the show is hilarious but what I love is that Martha Stewart is actually executive producer which means- she's in on it. She knows her daughter is talking shit and is cashing in on it too... It's brilliant. 

BUT, I'm not going to write about this show. Because I want to write about my new NEW favorite show, and by favorite I mean, my favorite train wreck of a show: Momma's Boys on NBC.  It's not the best produced show I've ever seen, but I don't care. I'm hooked. WHY? Hmm. Good question. I'm not really even sure why myself. I think it's because I can actually already understand the concern these mom's have as their son's go gaga over these cheesy chicks. There's one mom in particular that's making the ratings great because she went on camera and said she doesn't want anyone but a "white girl" (that includes girls with "big butts" apparently) for her precious Jo-Jo. Well, much to her dismay the producers, er, her son, chose the one (black) girl in the house that she cannot stand. Game on!  

To make matters worse, her poor son can't even get any action because his psycho mom barged in while he was making out with one of the girls. She literally made them get out of the pool and told the girl that if she wants to get on her good side, she needs to stop kissing her son. This woman is nuts but I kind of get it.... It's her baby and suddenly, dealing with teething and temper tantrums seems alright in comparison... 

So, Baby-Ko, please stay like this forever. If not, then please don't ever like blonde girls with lots of make up and fake boobies.... Unless you want me joining in hot tub action. And in 20 years from now, I can't promise that'll be pretty...