THE MARRIED BACHELORETTE- THE FINAL ROSE

Sure, I could blog about the woman today at Babies R Us who said "Ooh-ew" when Baby-Ko sneezed in her direction... or I could talk about the advice I gave to my Grandmother regarding her love life... or I could talk about a 52 year old contestant named Yoko on "American Gladiators" who got her ass kicked by Crush and will need more then just a bone density test the next time she sees her doctor....

BUT NO. I'm not going to talk about any of that. WHY? WHY?? Because it was the season finale of "The Bachelorette" and was as delicious as the meatloaf that I made for dinner. By the way, I know I sound like I'm a "take out/ defrost it" kind of a mom, but believe it or not, I'm Susie fucking home-maker. But I digress...

Okay, so tonight, Deanna brought snowboarder Jesse and cute daddy Jason to meet her big fat hick Greek family. Jason and Jesse showed up at the same time and without a doubt, Jason stole the show while Jesse (who's new haircut looked really good actually) just seemed like a fish out of water. Speaking of water, I hate to sound bitchy and I know those in glass houses blah blah blah... but did anyone else catch a glimpse of Deanna's ass in a bikini? Look, I personally think she is beautiful and looks fantastic, but her body (as far as typical "Bachelor" bodies go) seemed thicker than normal. That said, she is NORMAL and she probably just put on a few pounds due to all the boozing they do on their dates. Hello, bloating.

ANYWAY, at the final rose ceremony, as Jason got out of his limo and started to do his little run/skip towards Deanna, I got a little nervous. I'm not sure if it was that his suit pants looked a little too short (a big ugly no-no for me) OR if it was when when T-Ko looked up from his computer and said, "What's wrong with this dude?"
"Stop. He's my guy," I warned.

But Jason got down on his knee and Deanna STOPPED him. I GASPED. I mean, I've mentioned before that I actually used to work in reality television so I can smell BS a mile a way, but guess what, mommy was 100% convinced that Jason was the one. But apparently, I have mush for brain like the rest of America.... When Jason hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear, I had to replay it like ten times to hear what he said. I'm pretty sure he said "I'll miss you, " but T-Ko said, "you know what he said? 'Yo Soy Pequena Amy Winehouse.'" (Clearly, T-Ko does not understand the severity of Deanna's decision tonight but you really should do yourself a favor and check out http://www.boingboing.net/2008/03/08/la-pequena-amy-wineh.html)

When Jesse proposed to Deanna with "Will you spend forever with me?" I was a little shocked, but she seemed genuinely happy and in love. As Jason gave his final thoughts in the limo though, I was sad. But guess what, Jason's going back to sleepless in Seattle and that guy's gonna get more you know what thrown at him than he will know what to do with. So I'm feeling less and less sad for him by the second. Mark my words, they'll probably be some spin-off show with Jason, where he'll be set up with a dozen other single mom's all in the hopes of finding love, blah blah blah. In the meantime, Jason, if you read this, go on J-Date. Doesn't matter if you're not Jewish. Plenty of nice girls, ready to settle down who want someone "safe AND fun." Although, I would suggest letting out the hem on your suit pants first... My girls tend to be a particular bunch....

THE MARRIED BACHELORETTE- PART 2

Okay, after tonight I promise not to blog about "The Bachelorette." Wait. Take that back. I can't promise because there is still the final episode, but I will at least make a solid attempt.

Let me start by saying that I had hoped that Graham would make a dramatic appearance .... Deanna would walk on the beach, under the sunset, after her dates with Jeremy, Jason, and Jesse (hi, all J's...), and she would say that she can't stop thinking about him (I sure couldn't) and wants him back. But NO. She got over it fast and rightfully so. She had fantastic and fun dates with Jason and Jesse and in the end, let the too perfect Jeremy go. (By the way, does anyone else think he has the tightest, shiniest jawline ever??? Freaky!) But when she said "Jason" at the rose ceremony, I literally screamed "YES!" and woke Baby-Ko. (Not so coincidentally, T-Ko disappeared in to the bedroom and called it a night at that point).

The fact that Deanna chose Jesse and Jason gave me hope for television. While both are attractive, they are certainly not perfect and certainly not the typical "Bachelor" meat heads that they usually cast. They are shorter, less contrived, goofier... They are REAL MEN. The kind of men that I would pick if I were the Bachelorette...

Speaking of "real men," did anyone see tonight's episode of "American Gladiators???" :-)

ADDENDUM TO "THE MARRIED BACHELORETTE"

To my loyal readers (Mom),

I would like to make something abundantly clear: While I thoroughly enjoyed last night's episode of "The Bachelorette," it is most certainly NOT my favorite Monday night program. Oh, no. "The Bachelorette" is ALWAYS watched on DVR at the end of the evening, after T-Ko has once again, dominated the remote control and watched his share of "Cops" and "Girls Gone Wild" type programming AND of course, "AMERICAN GLADIATORS" (the best show in spandex on TV).

WHY? Why you ask do we watch American Gladiators, the best 80's revival show EVER??? Well, first and foremost, T-Ko works on the show. Second, his paycheck allows for me to stay home with Baby-Ko and go take classes from crazed middle aged women like Wacky. Third and most importantly, I watch "American Gladiators" because it strikes a chord.... Unlike watching "Biggest Loser" where I just feel bad for the fat bastards as I repeatedly tell myself 'I will never get that big', watching "American Gladiators," I feel INSPIRED... Watching these buff men and women swing on giant ropes across a pool makes me want to hit the gym and starve myself, as the only Gladiator name I can come up with for myself these days is "MUFFIN TOP." (btw, "name your Gladiator name" is a great game to play at home... yet ANOTHER reason to watch).

SO, my loyal J-KO fans: Please support American Gladiators on NBC at 8pm, THEN tune into your normal Monday night crap. Oh and while we're on the subject, would you also please tune into "Don't Forget the Lyrics" on FOX, yet another fine program that T-Ko works on (and pays the bills)...