LOVE... THE SECOND TIME AROUND

When people think of love the second time around, they usually think that it applies to a middle aged man or woman, who after a disappointing first marriage (or maybe an unexpected death) finds someone with an equal amount of baggage, and they fall in love. It's unlikely that people would ever suspect that a man or woman in their 80's could experience (or would even want to experience) love again.... But it happens. And it happened to my Nana.

I've shared many of my favorite Nana stories and conversations here before. My most favorite was when she called me to tell me she couldn't find her Yahoo... (Stick with this post... you'll come to discover that she has definitely found it. And more). Oh yes, Nana is in love. Deeply in love. Though she was married to my Papa for 57 beautiful years, she is now experiencing love the second time around with a wonderful man named Burt, who was married for 62 years!

Recently, I had the chance to sit down with Nana and Burt, for Lifetime Moms, to talk about their relationship for... and other things. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. Lots and lots of love....

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: THE KISS

This makes me happy.

My Nana & Papa on their wedding day... July 10, 1949

THE OTHER J-CO

For those of you that have been following PD for a little while, you will recall that my Nana is a big part of my life and has certainly been a source for "material." While she does live in a retirement village called Leisure World replete golf carts, club houses and sloped curbs (god forbid someone trips), she really isn't your typical 80 year old Grandma. In fact, this year, she's already been to Ireland and Las Vegas (both equally important destinations) and in a couple weeks, she's going to Africa with a friend for a 3 weeks. What's even more impressive, is that she is a very talented artist and recently had someone build her a website to showcase her work.

Although Nana's got her own site, getting her to understand what exactly a "blog" is and how one even finds it, has been a work in progress. Yesterday she spent the day with Baby-Ko, my mom and I:

Nana:  Okay, J-Ko dear, please tell me how I find your bog.

J-Ko:  Blog.

Nana:  Oh, well what do I type?

J-Ko:   Perfectly Disheveled dot-- It's a website. Like google.

Nana:  How do I find my google?

Mom:  First you have to find your Yahoo...

J-Ko:  Here we go again...

(We all laugh)

Nana:  No, now just wait...

J-Ko:   Nana, we've been through this. Just turn on your computer, go on line--

SILENCE.

J-Ko:  The internet. You need the internet. 

SILENCE.

Mom:  Oy. J-Ko, you need to show her.

FINE. I turn on my computer, go online and show her how to find my site. She starts reading. 

Nana: J-Ko dear. Oh my god. This is unbelievable. I had no idea that this is what a blog was. I love this!

After reading some of my older posts and searching around, she discovered the links "I Like" and suddenly my 80 year old Nana got "intra-net" savvy: 

Nana: Can you put my website on here?

J-Ko:  You mean like, link to your website?

Nana: Yes, why not. Maybe your friends want to buy art.

J-Ko:  Viral marketing. Love it.  I will put it up tomorrow.

Whether you like art or not, there's no denying- my Nana is pretty unbelievably talented and impressive.... and I personally have many many favorites. I am beyond proud to plug my Nana's site.  She's my very own Picasso and certainly my role model. Did I mention she's also going to Australia in August???!!

http://jeanccohn.com/

PS. "Thoughtful" is of me when I was Baby-Ko's age! See any resemblance?

MONDAY MONDAY

8:45am. My phone rings. It's DH. I try to sound like I'm not sleeping, but I am. Baby-Ko was UP for the day at 5am and went down for an early morning  nap. Subsequently, mommy went down for a nap then too.  DH tells me that he has some news he thinks I may want to hear.... 

MICHAEL BUBLE IS NOW SINGLE.  

"Seriously?" I say.

"Yes, just heard it. Thought you may get a kick out of that. Sorry I woke you."

"No. That's okay. This is so exciting."

"I figured you could blog about it."

"Oh, I will. And I'll also have to figure out what to do about T-Ko," I joke... Kind of. I mean, Michael Buble IS already on my "list."

In other Hollywood news, T-Ko just told me Jimmy Kimmel and Sara Silverman split. "Apparently she WAS fucking Matt Damon." :-)

****

I started my 30 Day/ 30 Minute plan today. The exercise portion for today was a walk/jog/ run challenge with the stroller...  Jesus Christ, I am out of shape.  My  "jog" and my "run" are not so different from one another these days. I'm pretty sure the people at the park were not able to distinguish the two.  As for the food part of the diet, I had zero pangs of hunger until dinner hit. Tonight's menu was this chicken and whole wheat pasta dish. But before you go thinking "pasta? what kind of a diet allows 'pasta'??" let me make clear how much pasta I was actually able to eat: 1/2 cup. Do you know how much a 1/2 cup is? It's like 10 tubes of penne. Trust me, I counted. And let me tell you, when one of those penne tubes fell on the floor, I nearly cried. Then I picked it up and ate it. (The 5 second rule is SO in effect during diet days).

****

My Nana came and spent the day with us and stayed for dinner. T-Ko, my Mom and Aunt N joined. It's always so nice to spend time with Nana, especially when she seeks love advice.... (As you may recall a few months ago she became friends with a newly widowed man who told her that they were not an "item.") 

Nana:  I think I have scared H away.

Me:  Why?

Nana:  Well, I had him over for some supper last Wednesday and we were talking... He told me that he was very upset- that he had been diagnosed with the first stages of prostate cancer and he was very concerned and wanted to talk about it.

Mom:  That's sad.

Nana: He said that the doctor told him he couldn't have sex anymore... and I said, 'well, at our age who needs to have sex anyway. You can have 'talk sex.'

Me: You mean "Phone sex."

Nana: Well, sure. But not on the phone. Just at the table.

All: At the table?? (Laughter)

Aunt: Is there any affection between you?

Nana: Well, we held hands at the movies. But you see, he is also seeing another woman.

T-Ko: Oooh.

Mom:  YOU are the "other woman."

Nana: I think so. Because then at temple we just waved and didn't talk.

J-Ko: Was this before or after you had him over for dinner. 

Nana: Before. But when he was over for supper I said, it's okay that we're friends but sometimes I need a hug.

All: Oy.

J-Ko: So did he hug you?

Nana: Yes, he gave me a nice hug and then left for the evening. 

Aunt: Has he called?

Nana: No. And that was on Wednesday.

Mom: Well, have you called him?

T-Ko: Someone should really check. Maybe he died.

Laughter.

J-Ko: No, seriously. Maybe your cioppino made him sick. 

Mom: You should call him mom.

J-Ko/T-Ko: No! She should not call him. 

T-Ko: I think if you don't hear from him you should move on...

J-Ko: Sorry, Nana. He's just not that into you.

T-Ko: You should call his other old broad. Get a little Leisure World three-way going. 

All: Ewwwww!

J-Ko: That would definitely kill him. 

***

THE MARRIED BACHELORETTE- THE FINAL ROSE

Sure, I could blog about the woman today at Babies R Us who said "Ooh-ew" when Baby-Ko sneezed in her direction... or I could talk about the advice I gave to my Grandmother regarding her love life... or I could talk about a 52 year old contestant named Yoko on "American Gladiators" who got her ass kicked by Crush and will need more then just a bone density test the next time she sees her doctor....

BUT NO. I'm not going to talk about any of that. WHY? WHY?? Because it was the season finale of "The Bachelorette" and was as delicious as the meatloaf that I made for dinner. By the way, I know I sound like I'm a "take out/ defrost it" kind of a mom, but believe it or not, I'm Susie fucking home-maker. But I digress...

Okay, so tonight, Deanna brought snowboarder Jesse and cute daddy Jason to meet her big fat hick Greek family. Jason and Jesse showed up at the same time and without a doubt, Jason stole the show while Jesse (who's new haircut looked really good actually) just seemed like a fish out of water. Speaking of water, I hate to sound bitchy and I know those in glass houses blah blah blah... but did anyone else catch a glimpse of Deanna's ass in a bikini? Look, I personally think she is beautiful and looks fantastic, but her body (as far as typical "Bachelor" bodies go) seemed thicker than normal. That said, she is NORMAL and she probably just put on a few pounds due to all the boozing they do on their dates. Hello, bloating.

ANYWAY, at the final rose ceremony, as Jason got out of his limo and started to do his little run/skip towards Deanna, I got a little nervous. I'm not sure if it was that his suit pants looked a little too short (a big ugly no-no for me) OR if it was when when T-Ko looked up from his computer and said, "What's wrong with this dude?"
"Stop. He's my guy," I warned.

But Jason got down on his knee and Deanna STOPPED him. I GASPED. I mean, I've mentioned before that I actually used to work in reality television so I can smell BS a mile a way, but guess what, mommy was 100% convinced that Jason was the one. But apparently, I have mush for brain like the rest of America.... When Jason hugged her goodbye and whispered in her ear, I had to replay it like ten times to hear what he said. I'm pretty sure he said "I'll miss you, " but T-Ko said, "you know what he said? 'Yo Soy Pequena Amy Winehouse.'" (Clearly, T-Ko does not understand the severity of Deanna's decision tonight but you really should do yourself a favor and check out http://www.boingboing.net/2008/03/08/la-pequena-amy-wineh.html)

When Jesse proposed to Deanna with "Will you spend forever with me?" I was a little shocked, but she seemed genuinely happy and in love. As Jason gave his final thoughts in the limo though, I was sad. But guess what, Jason's going back to sleepless in Seattle and that guy's gonna get more you know what thrown at him than he will know what to do with. So I'm feeling less and less sad for him by the second. Mark my words, they'll probably be some spin-off show with Jason, where he'll be set up with a dozen other single mom's all in the hopes of finding love, blah blah blah. In the meantime, Jason, if you read this, go on J-Date. Doesn't matter if you're not Jewish. Plenty of nice girls, ready to settle down who want someone "safe AND fun." Although, I would suggest letting out the hem on your suit pants first... My girls tend to be a particular bunch....

EVERYONE NEEDS AN OLD GEEZER

This past weekend, my Nana drove up from Leisure World (a lovely retirement community down in Laguna) to see
Baby-Ko. Sunday, happened to mark my Papa's yarzheit so it was nice for her to spend the day with me and the baby, my Mom and Aunt N as well.

Nana: So, I have announcement.
Mom: What?
Nana: I went on a date.
All: What??! With who??
Nana: His name is H. We’ve sat next to each other at temple for years. His wife died 6 weeks ago.
Me: Six weeks ago?? Jesus. Isn’t that a little fast?
Nana/Aunt: No… no…
Nana: Honey, his wife was been sick for a long time.
Aunt: Men move on so fast.
Me: Okay, I guess. So how did he ask you out?
Nana: Well, he called me a few weeks ago…
Me: Which means his wife had literally just died…
Nana: It’s not like that, honey. He called and asked me if I would like to take a drive to go see the Ranunculus…
Me: Oh, that’s a line.
Nana: … Down in San Diego. I said, ‘Oh! I’d love to but I have plans. Maybe another time.’
Me: Did you really have plans?
Nana: Well, yes, but I’m not interested in dating either.
Aunt: Oh, mom, why not?!
Nana: I just, I don’t know. But then last week I thought ‘what the heck’ and I called him and said I was free if he wanted to take a drive….
Mom: How old is he?
Nana: Dear, he’s an old man. He’s 86 years old!
Me: That’s the pot calling the kettle…
Nana: Cut it out. I’m only 78.
Aunt: Is he handsome?
Mom: Is he rich?
Nana: Yes, he’s very nice looking. He has a very nice face. One of the best-looking fellows in Leisure World. But nothing like your father… he was gorgeous.
Me: Does he smell?
Mom: What? Like Old spice?
Me: No, like old man… Vicks vapor rub.
Mom: Does he dress nice?
Nana: Yes, he’s always very sharp.
Aunt: So, what’s the problem then mom??
Nana: He’s old! I don’t want to take care of another old man.
Me: Tell us about the date.
Nana: He came to pick me up and we drove down to San Diego.
Mom: Is he a good driver?
Nana: He’s fine.
Me: Oy.
Nana: We went to San Diego, and went to a place overlooking the Ranunculas-
Me: Like make out point-
Nana: …and then we went to a lovely lunch afterwards and drove back.
Mom: How nice.
Nana: When we got back to my house, he walked me inside –
Aunt: Did you hug or kiss?
Nana: No, nothing. He walked me inside and said, ‘You know, we’re not an item.’ I said, ‘Of course, we’re not an item. We’re just friends.’ And that was that.
Me: Who says ‘item’?
Aunt: Well, in this day and age, Mom, you don’t have to be an “item” to have sex.
Nana: What? No! No one’s having sex, dear. I’m done with that.
Me: Really. I doubt Leisure World is hopping with sex bunnies.
Aunt: So have you talked to him since?
Nana: Well, I sent him a thank you note-
Mom: A thank you note??
Me: What?! Why?!
Nana: It was a simple thank you for the date.
Mom: That’s so passive aggressive.
Me: That’s a little much, Nana. Especially if you’re not interested. Send an email instead.
Nana: He doesn’t have AN internet.
Me: THE internet.
Nana: I can't email him anyway. I can't find my yahoo.
Me: Apparently either can he!
Nana: Well, he called me two days later and asked me out for dinner.
Aunt: Talk about mixed messages.
Mom: Did you go?
Nana: No, I had tickets to the symphony so I said, “Oh, what a shame. I always love a free meal-“
Mom: You said you ‘always love a free meal?!’ Mom!
Nana: I know! Isn’t that awful?! So I called him back after I said that-
Aunt: Oh, mom! No!
Nana: I called him back and got his voice machine-
Me: Who says ‘voice machine’?
Nana : -and said that I really shouldn’t have said that and I would love to go to dinner.
Mom: Well, that’s the end of that.
Nana: No, he called me back and left a message on MY voice machine asking me for dinner plans this evening (but I’m here).
Aunt: So, will you call him back?
Nana: Well, sure. But I’m leaving on Friday for Europe and won’t be back for 3 weeks so I’ll have to see him when I get back.
Mom: Don’t worry, he’ll move on by then.
Aunt: Especially if you’ll never put out.
Nana: No, never.
Aunt: Why not? You’re not dead.
Nana: Honey, men that age don’t have sex anymore.
Mom: Sure, they do.
Aunt: Ever heard of Viagra? Cialis?
Nana: No, dear. You don’t understand, they all have heart conditions.
Me: Oy, that shit would kill them.
Nana: Exactly. That’s why I’d only date a man with a heart condition….
Me: To avoid having sex…? Ha.
Aunt: Well, there’s other things you could do you know?
Nana: Like what?
Mom: Uh, does he have arthritis???
Me: Carpal Tunnel???
Aunt: Lockjaw???
Nana: Oh! Stop!! It’s not going to happen. Can’t you understand that he’s too old? I don’t want to see a man that old naked. He’s an old geezer.
Me: Papa, alev hashalom, was an old geezer too.
Nana: But he was MY old geezer....

...and is very much missed. *