MOM JEANS

"You Can't Come in 'cause you old as shit.... 

Not in the general sense, 'cause I'd tear that ass up, 

but for this club..." -- Knocked Up

32 isn't old. I realize that. I know I have another 8 plus years of good solid uterus/baby making time and thanks to some decent genetics, even longer before my wrinkles become noticeable. That said, there are days, like today, when I feel old. When I stop myself and feel, well, "old as shit."  

One of the best/craziest things about sending Baby-Ko to a day care that a) I went to 30 years ago and b) that my friends send their kids to as well, is that:  a) I went there THIR. TY. YEARS. AGO. and that, b) my friends send THEIR KIDS there! My friends have kids? Since when??? Walking in to day care and seeing the son of a girlfriend who I literally had cocktails with last week, sort of grounds me... well, floors me really. (I'm pretty sure we were just talking about which is like, OMG, the hottest guy and like, what she was wearing to "the popular girls" party").

On top of it, I  just hired an afternoon helper/ nanny to pick Baby-Ko up from Day Care on long work days... Her name is AC and she's a sweet girl. And I can say "girl" because, well, I think I could technically be her mom. She's 19 years old and darling. So sweet, so responsible, and soooooo young. But when we went to go pick Baby-Ko up from Day Care (in her car, as she sort of "shadows" me), and "Boom Boom Pow" by the Black Eyed Peas came on, it took everything I had in me not to shout, "Like, OMG. I love this song. Let's blast it." Instead, I quietly hummed and discreetly bopped my booty on the seat.  

As I held back my urge to tell her that my mom was, like, being such a bitch and I'm, like, soo not going to class today (mommy and me class, that is), I wondered when I will officially be old.  A few months ago, my potential for all things Yenta reared it's ugly head during a staff meeting. But I have since felt young and lively. I haven't worried about my age or where I'm going and what I'm doing in a while.... But sitting next to AC, and forgetting that we are nearly 14 years apart, I wondered when it all might catch up with me.... When I will have no choice but to hand over my skinny jeans (which she and I were both wearing) and shop at Talbots instead of Brass Plum.... When I will stop knowing (and caring) who's who and listening to Ryan fucking Seacrest...   When will I grow up?  

I'm certainly in no rush to cross the mom jean threshold and cut off all my hair. In fact, I love being a young mom and feeling sometimes that I actually have no business being one yet. It's kind of empowering, kind of surreal, and definitely, like... way cool. In many ways, "I've got it all going on" right now... The prime of my life really. I mean, AC may look like a cast member of The Hills and get past the velvet ropes at H-Wood faster than I can say "No Nitrate Hot Dogs," but, can she recite her favorite Sesame Street scenes and get IN DA CLUB .... I think not....

THE OLD BROAD

I knew that "the day" would come. The day when I would sound like an old washed up mom, who's seen her share of dirty diapers, colds and viruses, tantrums and toy trucks.... The day when I would sit back and look at some young girl on the brink of mommy-hood and shake my head, as if she has no idea what the hell she's in for... The day when I would feel like I had been doing this forever and can't even remember what it's like to not be a mom.... I just NEVER thought the day would come so soon. 

During a meeting today, somehow we were talking about food and the topic of macaroni and cheese came up... I don't remember exactly what it was that we were talking about but I overheard one of my coworkers, who's not a mom, say, "I'll never let my kid eat macaroni and cheese."  Record scratch. Wait, what? 

"Did you just say you'll never let your kid eat macaroni and cheese?" I said butting in. Clearly IIII must just be thinking about macaroni and cheese and she said I would never let my kid eat anthrax. That would make sense. 

"Yeah," she said, "It's so bad for you. I don't to feed that to my child."

And then I said it. A saying that put me in the frown line and mom jean category just by thinking it: "Just wait until you have kids. That will all change..." 

I sounded like Joey Tribiani's agent.  I might as well have had a cigarette dangling from my mouth and told her that if she "sticks with me, she'd go real far. Real far."

I mean, who am I? I'm only a mom of 14 months. I'm no expert. Hell, I haven't even figured out how to put my son to sleep without rocking him until he's passed out in my arms (Yes, we're working on that... in fact we're "sleep training" this weekend. But I'll save that for a whole 'nother post). And while I'm no shining example of all things Mom, her comment seemed so silly. So ridiculous. Obviously, if you're 32 and dealing with muffin top (hi, me), macaroni and cheese is probably a bad idea. But in my opinion, it's perfectly fine for a growing toddler. 

I can't blame my coworker though, I  used to say and think ridiculous things sometimes out loud) before I had a baby ...  (I won't tiptoe and whisper when he sleeps.... I'll never let him watch TV... I'm not going to let him crawl on the airport floor....)    Well, I learned my lesson. Shit changes and decisions and ideas that I was so self-righteous and sure about went "bye bye" real fast when I had a baby. But I guess part of becoming a mom is learning to never say never... My next step, learning how not to sound like one...