OUT WITH THE OLD...

A couple years ago, a friend sent me the most massive astrology forecast I had ever seen. I had just separated so things were obviously a little tough and life was complicated. Looking and hoping for better luck, I turned to this 4 page horoscope outlining details of what would hopefully become a bright future. Show me the money.

Alas, no dice. It appeared that financially, romantically, and professionally, my life would basically SUCK until sometime in 2011.

Of course, it didn't suck. Always. Just sometimes. 2011 came with a lot of highs and lows. Many wins and losses. Constant pushes and pulls.

And while there's been many successes, small triumphs, and wonderful moments of luck and love, more than not: I'm happy to say goodbye 2011. I'm happy to start anew.

I won't list all my resolutions for 2012, but I will say, in general, this will be the year to BE KINDER. More kind to my family, my friends, my body, my mind. I'm very hard on myself. It's time to lighten up, worry less, be STILL more. Time to get off of your Facebook and on to my fantastic stories. It's time to stop stalking and start taking stock in what's in front of me. It is time to BREATHE.

Before I tip my Forty to the year that put hair on my chest and "didn't kill me, but definitely made me stronger," I'd like to look back on a few of my favorite stories and posts. Boy, did I accrue some kick ass stories. Some of which, sorry, will never see the light of day on this blog. (Gotta save something for my memoirs. Ha). Here are some of my favorites from 2011...

-Getting in a fight with a Grandma at a Park

-Losing our beloved fish (of 2 days) named Nemo

-Lying to my son. A lot.

-Making empty threats to my son. A lot.

-Realizing I don't speak "Boy."

-Fielding incessant questions.

-Getting rid of terrible jeans.

And now... the new!!! I look forward to sharing many more stories and memories in 2012.... Here's to a beautiful and bright, happy and healthy, simple and sacred New Year.

Cheers!!!

MY THANK YOU SPEECH

My entire life, I have dreamt about going to the Oscars. Not just going to the Oscars, but being in the Oscars... that is, RECEIVING an Oscar. As a little girl, and then a young adult studying theater at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts, my dream was to win an award for Best Actress. Now, it's for Best Adapted Screenplay, Original Screenplay or Sound Editing. I'll take anything really. The point is, I really want an Oscar. Just seems so magical.

And I've been practicing my speech (again, it's always with a British accent for some reason) since I was 4.

Well, after watching an entire evening of Anne Hathaway's over the top "I'm so honored to be here" shtick as she "wooted" for legends like Steven Spielberg and Tom Hanks, I felt inspired to jot down some of the things I'm truly thankful for....

So in no particular order....

Thank you to Tricia, Jonah's trusted and loving nanny and my right hand gal. You keep us all straight and might be the only one able to talk a 3 year old down off a non stop "poop" talking ledge without losing your mind.

Thank you to my modern day pen pals: Nic of My Bottles Up and Debi of The Truth About Motherhood. If only we all lived closer, I have no doubt we'd have a lot more to connect over than our blogs. Your comments and enthusiasm keep me going. Also, thanks for not being perfect. Makes me like you even more.

Thank you to my writing partner Lisa Gache. Everyone should have a Lisa in their life. Calm, poised and an example of graciousness, Lisa's become a great friend.... And the only person I know who truly despises her arms like I do. (My arms, that is. Not hers. I think hers are perf).

Thank you to my boyfriend J. The fact that you love me despite how many socks I've stolen, how little interest I have in Seinfeld (yep, I said it ;-)) and how many sentences I start and never finish, is amazing. Also, the fact that you keep a running "Jenny quotes" list in your phone... Um. That's love.

Finally, a thank you to my mom, for never having your keys ready when you need to get in to the car, or in the front door. This unbelievable and comical phenomenon has, not only made me insane over the years, BUT made me a strive to be more prepared human being (and perhaps triggered the type A control freak side of me too. But that's a whole 'nother post). But mom. Thank you. You're always there. Thank you.

There are at least two dozen other thank you's that would need to go on my actual Oscar acceptance speech... including one to my darling and sweet Jonah. My life. My pride and joy. There are no words... And there are no spanx under this "workout" get up of mine. So I think I'll save it....

A LITTLE DUMB

When I started writing this blog, I promised myself I wouldn't hold back. I would say what was on my mind (kind of) and speak the truth (sometimes). I promised myself that no matter how lame a thought might be, and how isolated I may be in my view point, that I would still say it. I would write for myself and not for "the people."

"You should at least use spell check," my Mom would say. "And at least use proper grammar..."

"What's wrong with my grammar?"

"....And you shouldn't say words like 'vagina.' "

"Okay, Mom."

"....Or 'dude.' I hate 'dude....'"

OMG, dude. I get it. Why does mom gotta bug like that, yo.

The truth is though, my mom kind of has a point. Sure, I can write. But I don't always write RIGHT. Believe me. I know. In high school, I was the only one in AP English who needed/used cliff notes. While everyone used the class to ensure (or is it "assure"?) a head start in college, I used it as an opportunity to get some action from the nerdy boys. I was definitely the dumbest smart kid in the class and was perfectly fine with that stature.

But these days, I'm not perfectly "fine." I'm perfectly disheveled and my attention to details, words, and unfortunately wit, isn't exactly, well... perfect. In fact, some of you have even noticed.... A couple weeks ago, I got an email from a friend/reader who said that she was so sorry to mention it, but that after reading the ode to my bangs, she had to tell me about a slight mistake. The sentence in my post read:

And though I never EVER strayed (with the exception of a very long/side swept

thing I tried right after college), for all intensive purposes, I have always been loyal...

Embarrassed and thankful for having readers that have a better grasp on the English language than I, I changed it immediately. Apparently, for 33 years I have been saying "intensive purposes" when in fact I should be saying "INTENTS AND PURPOSES." Who knew?!

"What?!" said my friend J, "Of course it's 'intents and purposes'. Everyone knows that."

"No," said his very educated and professional wife A, "I thought it was 'intense and purposes.'"

"Yeah," said his sister T (a 5th grade teacher with a masters in education), "I agree with J-Ko. I thought it was 'intensive purposes' too. I've been saying it wrong this whole time too?!"

"How is that there is a room full of sophisticated and intelligent women (with great butts I might add), saying something that seems so obvious, so ridiculously wrong?"

"Frightening," said T, "I'm shaping our youth."

"Shocking," said A, "I feel like I should know that."

"Embarrassing," I said, "I am a WRI-TER.... And this by the way, this is definitely going to be a blog post."

Without missing a beat, J chimed back in, "You want me to proof that before you post it??"

Ha. Ha.

The truth is though, I think I say a lot of things wrong. We all do. Not that I'm trying to pass the buck (or is it "dodge a bullet"?), but one of my very best friends, a Psychology Professor (a PROFESSOR people), says "irregardless." I think she knows "irregardless" is not a word, but she says it anyway, claiming that it souuuuuuunds like a word. Unfortunately, there is no such word. In fact, if you look up the definition of "Irregardless" on Merriam-Webster Online, they suggest not using it. "Use 'regardless' instead."

Even Wikipedia has a list of commonly misused English Words.... And I know the fact that we are all a little dumb (sometimes) doesn't excuse my misuse, but it should at least make me relatable to "the people...." And while I've never been fully sure of when/how to use "affect" or"effect," I can ASSURE you that being a little dumb is better than being a little lame.

So please, feel free to proof read, comment and share your thoughts on my writing.... I may resent your remark, but at least, AT LEAST, I would never "resemble that remark." Because that, THAT would definitely be a little dumb....