SCARF GONE WILD

If it weren't for an obscene amount of television that I need to catch up on, I might be annoyed that my husband is at my brother in law's Bachelor party while I sit at home on a Saturday night. But fortunately, the season premiere of "Grey's Anatomy" was riveting (helllooo, Dr. Hunt!) and the season finale of "Weeds" fantastic, so I didn't have to time to sit around and think about what kind of debauchery he and the boys are getting in to. In fact, I don't even care. 

Seriously. I've learned my lesson and know that it's better (for everyone involved) to give it little heed and not think about what they're doing. Plus,  I pretend that they are at a yoga retreat, or a day at the spa, or at knitting class sipping cosmopolitans. In my mind, there are no nudie bars or boys behaving badly. Instead, I tell myself that they are all sitting around, talking about how much they love their wives instead of roasting/toasting the bachelor and telling him to "get out now," or "your life is about to end" as they proceed to drink themselves into oblivion so as to numb their pain.

Ha. The phone just rang. Looks like T-Ko is actually on his way home. (Kind of early). Hmm. Odd. Perhaps the bachelor got too drunk or T-Ko finished knitting his scarf... 

JUST A SPOONFUL OF GREY'S

Everyone who knows me well, knows that I am kind of a hypochondriac. Aside from the fact that I lost interest after Doug Ross & Dr. Greene left the show, I had to stop watching ER because by the end of the episode, I had every condition they were treating (including the injuries from car crashes). Thank god, these days, my hypochondria seems to be at an all time low. I'm not sure if having a child has "cured" it, or "Grey's Anatomy" isn't really a medical drama, but I am certainly enjoying living without a "disease du jour."

However, I could NOT believe my ears this morning when I heard an interview on The Today Show with a woman named Jennifer Buettner and her husband Dennis. Apparently, after taking care of a niece that was constantly complaining of being sick, Jennifer decided the best way to cure the little girl's hypochondria was to give her "a pill" that would make her feel better and take whatever was ailing her away. SO, after Jennifer gave her a Motrin to pacify the kid, she got to thinkin'... I should create a FAKE pill to make kids feel better when they feel bad, ONLY, it won't be real. We will trick them!!!

That's right, folks. Jennifer and her (shouldn't be wearing a striped shirt on television) husband invented a PLACEBO PILL FOR CHILDREN that parents could give their kids when they have a non life threatening illness and medical attention isn't necessary, and they want to make their kids "feel better."

HOLY SHIT!!! This is wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin!!

1) First of all, as a former/current hypochondriac, I can tell you the last thing I want when I'm "sick" is a pill. Most hypochondriacs I know (okay, just me) are scared of pills. I would never take ONE PILL that would supposedly cure me of a tumor AND kidney stones. I'm not a sucker. Speaking of sucker, let's address issue number 2: LYING TO KIDS.

2) Whether your kid is truly sick or just "sick" (and probably just really needs a hug or attention), why would you ever use medicine as a tactic to TRICK THEM?? With the incidences of accidental overdoses in homes with children so high, why would you ever confuse a child and/or risk them finding out that their medicine is just "candy?"

3) I don't know about you, but giving my baby medicine is always a LAST RESORT. If I have to give him medicine, even Infant Tylenol, it means he is SICK and that the ONLY way he will get better is if he takes the medicine. In an already over prescribed and over medicated society, I think it is so dangerous to encourage children to think that a pill is the answer to everything. Hello, little pill poppers!

4) Finally, have you ever known of a child to ASK for medicine?? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe, if Julie Andrews flew down and gave him a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, Baby-Ko could be swayed to swallow his meds without freaking out. But most likely, he will always resist. And I can't blame him.

Look, I know I'm only 8 months in and no expert in the world of all things "Parent," but I am happy to announce that Jennifer and Dennis' placebo pill will not be making it into the J-Ko household.

I'm also happy to announce that I just finished watching the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" and I'm pretty sure the tingling I have in my stomach is just gas and not 3 tons of quick drying cement slowly crushing all of my vital organs. Now, I can guarantee you, they don't make a pill for that!

THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY

Dear Television God,

Although I have the utmost respect for your divine holiness and even worked under your supervision and in your "realm" for many years, I have a bone to pick with you:

WHY DID YOU MOVE "LOST" TO THURSDAY NIGHTS???

There are very few QUALITY shows on television and when there are, I'm pretty sure the good people of the TV Watching World would like to have them SPREAD evenly throughout their week. I cannot speak for everyone down here, but I think I speak for many when I ask: WHY, OH, WHY, DO YOU TORTURE YOUR PEOPLE BY PUTTING ALL THE BEST SHOWS ON IN ONE NIGHT??! We already have fantastic shows such as "The Office," "30 Rock," "Grey's Anatomy," and "Ugly Betty" (yes, some of us do love this show) on Thursdays. "Lost" is sensational and it deserves it's own night. And frankly, we were happy to have it on Wednesdays.

During biblical times, when you created the ever so brilliant "Must See TV," and shows such as "The Cosby Show," "Family Ties," "Friends" and "Seinfeld" aired on Thursday nights, the people PRAISED YOU. It was a brilliant programming move and television history was made. However, that wasn't the ONLY night of good television. It was just a BIG night of television. But now, other than Thursdays, we kinda got nothin'.

You answered our prayers (well, some of us, that is) when you aired "Dancing with the Stars" on Monday and the results on Tuesday; giving us two nights of pure spray tan and glitter magic. And sure, there are other great shows like "The Tudors," for instance, or "Top Chef," on other nights of the week. But they're on cable, and we don't know what nights they air first run. Thus, they are recorded and watched when Mommy gets a break and Daddy finally relinquishes control of the remote control after watching brainless shows like "Cops" because if he doesn't, Mommy is going into the other room and ignoring Daddy for the rest of the night. But I digress...

In conclusion, I am urging you to move "Lost" back to Wednesdays. Watching Ben, McDreamy AND Michael Scott all on one night, in one sitting just feels confusing... and well, creepy. Please spread out the goodness... Help fill the voids.

Oh, and one more thing, would you cordinate with your buddy SPORTS GOD and make sure the Dodgers or Lakers don't play on Thursdays from now on? That would create just all kinds of chaos.

Sincerely yours,
J-Ko