DISNEYLAND AND THE GOLD RULE OF PATIENCE

A couple weeks ago, Peter and I took Jonah to Disneyland for his 6th birthday. In a recent post for Babble, I shared how this trip made me realize I don't always need to be the Fairy Godmother of Fun...

***

“Mom, pleeeeeease can we play? Can we do something fun? This is so boooring. Monday is soooooo boring,” my 6-year-old whined to me as I sat at my desk.

Nine times out of ten, I would have called in the circus and pulled out my “let me entertain you” hat. Instead of letting him be bored and then sitting with my own guilt about having to work, steam broccoli, fold laundry, and basically not be the world’s most fun mommy EVER, I’d typically offer him a slew of suggestions of things we could do. I’d create an itinerary of all the amazing things to do in our home. First, we could bake. Then we’d play Legos, and then we’d do a science experiment. We could make LAVA. If we had time, we’d watch a movie — a super-long “NOT BABY” one. Then, we’d read, hunt for bugs, and eat candy … IN MY BED.

And the mother of the year award goes to … the crowd goes wild!

As a single mom, there were many weekends when our days were just that, and I didn’t stop until he was satiated. But as he gets older, I see that if I don’t set up an afternoon of “WOW,” he won’t “just go build a fort” or go outside and play kick the can (please tell me you’re familiar with this hilarious scene in This is 40?). This was a problem, and it needed to stop.

Well believe it or not, it wasn’t until a few weeks ago at Disneyland, the mecca of all things jazz hands, that I realized he didn’t actually need to be entertained. 

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DIY HOME DECOR USING YOUR KID'S ART

Last year, I tried to volunteer at school as much as I could. Spending time in Jonah's class -cutting paper, cleaning up, passing out goodies on special occasions, etc.- opened my eyes not only to the world of Transitional Kindergarten and public school, but also to the differences between boys and girls... At an early age, it's clear that there is an inherent difference in attention to detail... Generally, the boys scribble fast, while the girls keep the colors (coordinated) and in between the lines. This basically results in Jonah coming home with a lot of projects that, well... look like... someone just wanted to get outside and play zombies vs. Darth Vader. (Or whatever it is that 5 year old boys do.

If I actually housed or stored every single gem that my future "volcano science geologist laboratory doctor" brought home, our house would like like an episode of Hoarders. Therefore, I came up with an artistic solution of my own that showcases the "best part" of my guy's art only. Check it out!

HE'S GOOD

Last week, I got my first "Hi, this is the nurse calling from **** School. Your son has a terrible stomach ache and his teacher would like you to come get him."

The call came in roughly 17 minutes after I dropped him off. 

To be exact, the actually came in roughly two hours from (the first time) he told me he had a stomach ache and didn't want to go to school… to which I responded, "A tummy ache… Hmm. Maybe you should use the bathroom…?"

He said that wasn't the problem. It was just his tummy and he wanted to stay home. In fact, he needed to stay home.

Considering that that day was the second day back at school after a three week break though, and the day before I recalled a moment in the morning where he said he'd rather stay home and play video games (just like vacation), I didn't give the tummy ache much heed and sent him on his way. Moans and all.

When I got to school to pick him up, he was in tears. I felt awful and guilty. He definitely seemed like he was uncomfortable and in pain… once we got home though, he began to feel better. Not only did my work-from-home-"who wants TV all day"-desperation-declaration help the sitch, but the privacy of his own bathroom seemed to make the biggest difference… 

Ahh, the public bathroom anxiety. Yes, I know this all too well.  In fact, (if he's like his mom) this could be a problem as he has 12 years of elementary and high school left… The bathrooms ain't gettin' any better than the ones in transitional kindergarten… I can tell you that. But I digress…

In my heart, I knew right before we left school, though he was in tears, that this might not be a stomach bug or worse, appendicitis. Just as we were about to leave, he said "Wait!" and darted back into the classroom to beg for homework "Hard homework, actually," to do while he's sick. (Oh, he's so my son). His teacher shot me a wink and handed him what was basically a plain piece of paper with a dotted line on it to write his name. "Have him read a story then write and draw his own." (We were told at back to school night, homework was simply given to make the kids excited to do something. But really, in Pre-K it was hardly necessary…)

That night as I tucked him into bed, almost 12 hours after picking him up from school and a good 11 hours of what seemed to be perfect health and "can you download a game on the iPad" antics, he sat up.

J: Mommy, wait. One thing…

Me: Yes? 

J: My homework… I didn't do it.

Me: Oh, right. Well, I think Mrs. S will understand.

J: No. No. NO. I cannot go to school without doing my homework.

(I love him)

Me: Well, we'll have to do it during breakfast before school.

J: Nah, that won't work. Here's what you need to do.

Me: I need to--

J: Yes. Do my homework, kay? While I'm sleeping… Write a good story. And I'll see how you did in the morning.

Me: Um, no, Jonah. I'm not going to do your homework.

J: You have to.  I'm sick. 

He's good. He's really good. 

HE TRACES. BIG WHOOP?

In one of my many Wacky's classes, we were told that telling a child how "good" they were or how amazing everything was that they did would actually be damaging. "Don't label your child," Wacky would say. Instead of them doing a "good job" when they built a tower of blocks, you should praise them for their efforts... their concentration... their architectural ingenuity. Blah blah blah.

Here's the thing, to some degree, Wackidoo has a point. If you're constantly telling a child that they're good, when they do something not so good, they will feel bad. And apparently, there's something wrong about a child considering themselves to be "bad." (like they turn into serial killers or something. I have no idea). Anyway, I totally understand how too much praise can actually lead to a child having little self confidence-- if their focus is on a result and on a reaction (from a parent). However, as a parent, I find it soooooooo difficult, especially during these developmentally magical and slightly crazy making years, to not kvell over his every move.

For instance, today we (he) spent about 30 minutes tracing in a new book Grandma L got him. Initially, he wanted my help as he didn't think he could do it (and wasn't entirely comfortable or sure how he wanted to hold the marker). After a few tries though, he was on his own and tracing all the pictures. Now, I only know what my 3 year old is doing so maybe it's not so impressive, but to ME, I was floored by his tracing ability. I found it hard not to "Wow" and "That's so great, Jonah!" him with every stroke.

Do you think everything your child does is magic? How much praise for a child is too much?

... I mean, I was so proud of him, I decided I'd film some of it to send to grandparents and great grandparents who I know would be equally proud of their budding artist, Rhodes Scholar, and future Justin Bieber. (Being a pop culture icon is just as impressive as studying at Oxford these days, isn't it?) Of course, it didn't take long until the 3 year old interested in all things poop became entirely DISINTERESTED in mommy's praises....

I'll have to figure out a different way to label this sort of behavior.... ;-)

Hey! BTW, we're giving away $150 on Parents Ask to Amazon. Leave a comment on the video, telling us your favorite children's book and you'll be entered to win. Oh and ignore my iphone in the shot. I promise it's not next to me during "quiet, reading time." ;-)

MORNING ACTIVITIES

Growing up, I was very lucky to have parents that knew about cool places in and around LA to take children. My weekends were spent taking drives to places like Santa's Village or San Juan Capistrano or eating at dive taco stands that everyone in LA would/should know about like Titos tacos.... Anyway, now with a child of my own, I'm equally eager to explore LA and it's surroundings with my little guy in tow.

(Check out my interview with Red Tricycle about some of my favorite things to do).

Of course, I must admit, big elaborate day trips and activities are not always easy to orchestrate week after week. Plus, even if we are going to spend the day at the zoo or at the beach collecting shells, there's still a good 3 plus hours in the morning that requires some creative entertainment until we (Me) can get the show on the road.

And sometimes legos just don't cut it.

So, I've introduced Jonah to baking. It's simple. He sits on the floor. Equipped with a baking pan, a whisk, a measuring cup, I let him concoct a pie. From a handful of cheerios, to a dash of salt, to M&Ms from 3 Halloweens ago, to

packets of chili flakes from a pizza delivery, Jonah spends a good 25 minutes making sure his pie is perfect. When he is done (and/or breakfast is ready , or I'm done folding laundry, or doing dishes, etc), it's time to put the pie in the oven.

"Cook it for real, mommy," he says.

"Of course for real. BEEEP!" I say "pushing" the buttons to "350." "We need to let it cook for about 45 minutes or maybe even all day. This is a big cake."

"It's a biiiiiiiig cake," he echoes.

"Yep."

And that's that. Cheeto Shredded Wheat Garlic Salt Pie. A masterpiece. And truly, an awesome time suck AND fantastic use of stale food.

Of course, a week later, discovering this treasure is slightly horrific. And a sad reminder that I don't use my oven as much as I should.

PARK RULES

A couple of years ago, I wrote a post for Momlogic about the Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate the Park. Although there was a little truth to it (yes, I hate birds. Always will), I mostly meant it as a joke (kind of). Now that Jonah is older, I definitely do enjoy trips to the park more because he's able to explore and play in a different way than when he was a toddler. I love watching him interact with children he doesn't know and climb on equipment confidently.... That is, until bitches get in my way. Let me rephrase: Old bitches.

Okay. I know that is going to sound very harsh, but what happened to us over the weekend needs to be shared, examined and discussed, because I have a feeling this has happened to other moms too.

Let me paint the picture:

We're at the park. Jonah is having a great time. He's climbing, playing, moving merrily along and minding the other children (and their space) appropriately. And like any energetic 3 year old, he's happy to slide down the slide, and climb up the stairs 47 times in a row without missing a beat.

Fine. So he makes his way back up the stairs for thrill #48. He gets to the top of the slide and sits patiently as another kid gets to the bottom. Just as Jonah is about to slide down, a little girl, (being watched by an older, very tucked and pulled woman), starts to climb UP the slide. Said Old Bitch says nothing.

"Jonah," I say. "It looks like this little girl is going to climb up the slide now," I say somewhat incredulously in OB's direction. She doesn't flinch, but I assume it's just from too many visits to Dr. 90210.

Jonah stares at the girl. "I want to go down."

"Please wait, sweetheart. She is coming up and isn't going to let you slide down. I'm sorry," I say gritting my teeth.

"But it's my turn!"

"I know. But---------" WHOOSH. He slides down RIGHT into the girl.

"WAHHHHHHHH!" The girl cries.

"Jonah! I told you to wait! I'm so sorry!" I say to the little girl.

OB let's out a little "Tsk, tsk," and I feel botox needles stares coming from her eyes. I try to contain my rage.

I pull Jonah off the slide and say to him loudly, "I know you got really excited because it was your turn, and you were following THE RULE by going DOWN the slide. But next time, even when there is someone breaking the rules and potentially getting hurt, you need to be good person and make good decisions for yourself, no matter what the other children are doing."

OB's older grandson (maybe 6 or 7?) says, "We can go up and down the slide any time. There are no rules."

"Actually," I say loudly in case they tucked her ears too much, "There ARE park rules. Going up the slide can be dangerous."

OB says under her breath, "You're something else."

Wha- whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!

"You're unbelievable."

"Excuse me?!" I turn to her.

"There are no park rules. Children can go up and down the slide whenever they want."

"UM, no. No they cannot. When children are going down, the person going up the slide needs to wait."

"Whatever," she says.

"No, not whatever. Is it okay for a kid to stand in front of a moving swing because that's where they want to stand in the no-rule park land you live in?!"

"You're unbelievable," she mutters trying to garner sympathy from a nanny who I'm guessing had zero comprehension of the words we were exchanging.

"Come, Jonah. Time to go."

On the way home, Jonah asked me a dozen times to explain to him what had happened on the slide and why mommy yelled at the lady. (Oy) Each time, I tried to explain the importance of being a good person and how to make good decisions, in spite of adversity, blah blah blah.

Though Jonah totally "hurt" the little girl, I 100% believe she and Cat Eyes are to blame. I think about it like this-- In the state of California, if you open your car door and a car drives by and takes it off- guess what?-- it's YOUR fault. You opened your car door in to on-coming traffic. Sure, the car COULD have been driving slower or could have swerved, but essentially, you were not being cautious or waiting until the coast is clear.

Well, in my opinion The UP-DOWN slide rule at the park is exactly the same. And to say that there's no such thing as "Park Rules....?" Well... that just seems plain ludicrous.

What do YOU think? How would you explain this to your kid if they were going down OR if they were coming up? Do you think I should have punished Jonah?

Tell me your thoughts!!!

12 DAYS OF MOMMY: THE ZOO

Day 10

Wordless Wednesday - animal style.

12 DAYS OF MOMMY: OUT TO SEA

Day 9

After a morning of bagels, lox, coffee cake, and a visit from Grandpa B, we took a drive down to Newport Harbor (Balboa)....

A couple weeks back, I saw an awesome deal on Family Finds for $35 for a ride around the harbor to look at all the Christmas lights and decided to book it.

To date, Jonah's only other boat experience was on the Jungle Cruise and Small World at Disneyland so I thought it was time to take the boy to sea... Or at least to the marina.

We had some time to kill before the boat took off so we had some slices at a little boardwalk pizzeria that I had to convince Jonah was "Pizza Planet" from Toy Story so he would sit down and eat.

Once we got to the boat, it was smooth sailing. All the houses on Balboa Island and Lido Island were lit up and it was gorgeous.

The hot chocolate was definitely a highlight as was the moment Jonah was humming and I discovered it was from Wizard of Oz's "Munchkinland" song where the Coroner announces the witch is not "just merely dead, she's most sincerely really dead..."

I'm discovering that Jonah is a ham. In fact, later that evening, he requested the "dot com" song "from the commercial." Not sure how we figured it out, but he was talking about the Overstock.com commercial that is to the tune of jingle bells. Thanks to the intra-net, I found it on youtube. For your viewing pleasure, here is his version of it. (Pay close attention to the end/tag line. Brilliant).

FAMILY FINDS: $45 for a Family Membership to The Grammy Museum

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