STUFFED

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. This has been a pretty eventful week and I have so much to be thankful for.... This year, everyone came to our house for dinner. It was our second year hosting and once again, was a great success. (Check out a recent post I wrote for MomLogic about dealing with Four Families during the holidays).  Here's a little recap/ list of highlights from the holiday:

1) T-Ko made a kick ass turkey for the 2nd year in a row. I must confess that I was a little nervous considering he found the recipe from Food Network star Sandra Lee ("Semi Homemade"). Her food is as cheesy and WT as Rachel Ray's. HOWEVER, it turned out GREAT. Thank g-d he didn't ask me to create one of her "table-scapes" though... I draw the line somewhere.

2) I learned that I may have already missed the boat as far as taking care of my skin and "defying age." According to my Auntie C who works for a high end cosmetic company, I need to "get on it, and get on it fast." Apparently, I should have started a regimen (wash, toner, lotion, eye cream etc.) literally a decade ago. Well, I have taken heed and am going to start taking care of my 32 year old skin better. But can I just say: What a pain in the ass.  Waking up with mascara caked to my cheek is so much easier, and frankly makes me feel a lot younger.

3) We determined that there were 8 sticks of butter used for all the recipes (not including dessert) Well,  there were 8 of us at dinner.... That's 1 stick of butter per person! At one point, T-Ko said he could feel his heart beating in his eye.  

4) After Thanksgiving dinner, we bundled up Baby-Ko, plopped him in the stroller, and all 8 of us went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was like Dead (Fat) Man Walking. 

5) After dessert we all sat around and played Guitar Hero.  Nothing funny to say about this except that I wish I was a fly on the wall to hear my Nana telling her peeps down in Leisure World about this one... It's gotta be right up there with the time she told me she couldn't find her Yahoo...

6) Feeling fat and stuffed, I decided to take a Tae Bo class Saturday morning. Not surprising, the class was packed to the max. It usually smells pretty rank in there after any given class. This time though, it smelled like leftover turkey and Brussels sprouts. Needless to say, I am officially over Thanksgiving now. Of course, I can't let all that pumpkin pie go to waste.... right?

ELF-KO

Call me a sucker, but when I saw the Mac clan doing a country-western Elf dance, I couldn't resist turning Baby-Ko into a dancing Elf too. 

And who says Jewish boys can't line dance???

THE OLD BROAD

I knew that "the day" would come. The day when I would sound like an old washed up mom, who's seen her share of dirty diapers, colds and viruses, tantrums and toy trucks.... The day when I would sit back and look at some young girl on the brink of mommy-hood and shake my head, as if she has no idea what the hell she's in for... The day when I would feel like I had been doing this forever and can't even remember what it's like to not be a mom.... I just NEVER thought the day would come so soon. 

During a meeting today, somehow we were talking about food and the topic of macaroni and cheese came up... I don't remember exactly what it was that we were talking about but I overheard one of my coworkers, who's not a mom, say, "I'll never let my kid eat macaroni and cheese."  Record scratch. Wait, what? 

"Did you just say you'll never let your kid eat macaroni and cheese?" I said butting in. Clearly IIII must just be thinking about macaroni and cheese and she said I would never let my kid eat anthrax. That would make sense. 

"Yeah," she said, "It's so bad for you. I don't to feed that to my child."

And then I said it. A saying that put me in the frown line and mom jean category just by thinking it: "Just wait until you have kids. That will all change..." 

I sounded like Joey Tribiani's agent.  I might as well have had a cigarette dangling from my mouth and told her that if she "sticks with me, she'd go real far. Real far."

I mean, who am I? I'm only a mom of 14 months. I'm no expert. Hell, I haven't even figured out how to put my son to sleep without rocking him until he's passed out in my arms (Yes, we're working on that... in fact we're "sleep training" this weekend. But I'll save that for a whole 'nother post). And while I'm no shining example of all things Mom, her comment seemed so silly. So ridiculous. Obviously, if you're 32 and dealing with muffin top (hi, me), macaroni and cheese is probably a bad idea. But in my opinion, it's perfectly fine for a growing toddler. 

I can't blame my coworker though, I  used to say and think ridiculous things sometimes out loud) before I had a baby ...  (I won't tiptoe and whisper when he sleeps.... I'll never let him watch TV... I'm not going to let him crawl on the airport floor....)    Well, I learned my lesson. Shit changes and decisions and ideas that I was so self-righteous and sure about went "bye bye" real fast when I had a baby. But I guess part of becoming a mom is learning to never say never... My next step, learning how not to sound like one... 

TWO WORDS

I know kids get sick, but come on!!! For 6 weeks- SIX WEEKS!!!- Baby-Ko's  had a nasty unexplained virus that's come and gone, ebbed and flowed, and disappeared and reappeared. This past Monday, my happy baby who's cough I thought was just "residual", went from point a to point sick within hours. Since Monday, we've had a trip to Urgent Care, a trip to the ER and a trip to the doctor. The diagnosis: a bad virus and a sinus infection. He seems to be getting better, but the frustration and sadness of listening to a 13 month old snore (when they're awake) because they can't blow their nose and the sight of an aspirator makes him bananas (and really does nothing anyway), IS TORTURE.  

I think the hardest part about it is the guilt I feel about not being able to "cure" him with my kisses and sooth him with my voice. And it's even harder to be away from him (at work) knowing that he's uncomfortable in any way. I know that this is just the beginning of many,  many sicknesses and rough times, but I hope that he catches a break soon.  We're all needing one at the 'Ko household= especially little guy.

There is one thing though that continues to impress, amaze and make me light up throughout all of yuck: Baby-Ko's growing vocabulary.  Earlier this week, after eating, he shrugged and lifted his hands and said "ah da" (translation: all done). The next day, he was squirming in my arms and said "dow mama" (translation: Down, mama). And the day after that, as I kissed him good bye to go to work he said, "bye-bye mama." (Translation: unnecessary). :-)

The point is, through all of the sleepless nights and coughing and sneezing there are joys and happy moments. I just wish we were "ah da" with the sick... Definitely ready to say "Bye-bye" to that...

UGLY BETTY

Tonight I saw a promo for a local news segment on a product called Betty Color and I literally had to pause it and rewind it like ten times. Granted, it was channel 9 news which is generally garbage, but they were running a segment on an apparent growing trend:  Dying Pubic Hair.  

I KNOW.  I mean, we all know that for most women, the carpet doesn't match the drapes.  But does it matter? No one's ever met a dumb blonde and looked at her black pubes and thought, "hmmm, maybe she is smart after all."  

When so many women, including myself, put themselves through torturous scenarios to try to tidy up and get rid of "split ends" so to speak, what I find hilarious is that this product seems to encourage the idea of a "full head of hair."  Obviously, there are times throughout the month and year when your "do" could use some upkeep and some tendin' to (I'm all for hibernating in the winter). But this product seems to endorse length. In order for their plethora of color dye options to work, you've gotta have something to work with...  Unless, of course you want your crotch to look like Susan Powter's head back in the day....

Ever wanted to dye your hair crazy colors??? Welllll you are in luck!  Use "Fun Betty" and you can shock your lover with a big PINK hoo-ha. Feeling BLUE?  Just try "Malibu Betty." Need a stocking stuffer? Just buy your gal "Holiday Betty!" This festive one comes in GREEN or RED and is sure to make your man say "ho ho ho!" 

AND... For those of you that are feeling  like you need to literally MARK your territory, try Betty's "CHARM-CILS." That's right! For $7.99 you can choose from one of 8 stencils. Feeling groovy? Try a PEACE SIGN. Need some cash?  Pimp a $ sign.  Ever wanted to be a FIRE CROTCH? Just stencil in a LIGHTENING sign!  Yes, my friends, the possibility for a truly unique hoo ha is endless....   

And here I was thinking that Obama's in and Bush is out.... (Ba da dum)...

VOTE FOR ME

It's finally here. Less than 24 hours away from Election Day. I'm so excited for all the campaigning and shit talking to end, and ready for a new leader. As incredible as it's been to witness  how politics have become mainstream and "funny," I'm ready for things to get serious. Sure, it's been fun to see and a great way for candidates to reach the young voters... from the "Don't Vote" video to Sarah Silverman's "The Great Shlep" to Tina Fey's dead on spoof of Sarah Palin....  but enough is enough. It truly is TIME FOR A CHANGE.  

If I were a McCain supporter I would have been completely turned off by his appearance on SNL this weekend. He looks like a friggin' corpse... Like a wax version of the dude from "Weekend at Bernies." Maybe its me, but I really don't see how self deprecation and joking can work to your advantage, just days before the election, when you and the moose loving dumbshit you're running with are behind in the polls? I get that politicians go on these shows to seem more relatable, more "main street." But enough. We're on to you. You're not comedians and you're appearance doesn't make me think "wow, I'm just like you " or buy that you are "just like" the Joe Six Packs and Hockey Moms of America....

Speaking of Hockey Moms, I am certainly no comedian, but boy, did I have fun playing one (playing one...) on Halloween.

And by the way, I think I'd be a better candidate...

MY MARRIAGE IS A GAME SHOW

http://www.momlogic.com/2008/11/my_marriage_is_game_show.php