IF THAT AIN'T LOVE

Last night I slept on the floor. Yes. The floor. Next to Baby-Ko's crib. In a fetal position. Using his changing pad as pillow, and my robe as a blanket, I managed to squeeze my arm through a slat so that my son, my very (possibly terrible) two year old son, could hold my hand, and eventually (pray god) fall the eff asleep.

Two hours and one majorly numb hip later, I gently removed my hand from his grip, and literally crept out of the room cursing every creak my exhausted knees caused as I crawled down the hallway.

For about a week now, I have broken every rule in THE sleep book. He cries. I pick him up. I put him down. I go in. I go out. I sleep with him. He sleeps with me. He eats. I eat. He drinks. I drink. It's like sleep training all over again only worse: He TALKS. He can reason with me. He can beg. He can plead. And he can even make me laugh in the middle of the night. (Not sure why he said he wanted "Meat-a-balls" in the middle of the night. But he did. And it was funny).

The point is, I'm clueless mommy 101 right now and I've got to get a grip. I've got to get him back to sleep and I've got to be consistent. It's hard to know if his new bad habit (which seems to strike at about 1:45am) is the result of something environmental or something developmental, but holy shit: I'm tired.

As I put Baby-Ko to sleep tonight and promised him that I would be in the other room all night, and that tonight, he would sleep in his room ALONE, surrounded by Eeyore, Tigger, Teddy, Monkey and his favorite three blankets, I prayed that he understood what I was saying. I prayed that he understood that I love him so much and that I would sleep on the floor all night with my hand through a slat if I had to.... but that I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to. That I'm pretty sure that it will only make things harder down the road if I don't nip this in the bud now (again). And that when he's 17, and I'm still checking for monsters under his bed, (and giving him cheerios in a bowl because he simply asks for it at 3am because I'm simply exhausted) his buddies won't think it's very cool...

At least that's what I'm telling myself tonight.... tears and all.

Wish me luck.... And send me your best sleep training advice. Seriously. Just not at 1:45 am. I''ll probably be a little... wrapped up....

I'M STILL PERFECTLY DISHEVELED!

If you are here and reading this, good. If you are here and reading this, after trying to figure out how come it took you so long to figure out how to be here and reading this, sorry. And thank you.

Without getting in to it, let's just say my shit was hijacked-- my domain name basically expired or lapsed (without me knowing) and somebody swooped in and seized it. Apparently this is done all the time... an opportunity for someone to make some money I assume, as I will have to now get in a bidding war with a complete stranger over what is essentially MY identity -- I mean, what is the likelihood that this person also has a toddler, goes days without washing their hair and secretly feeds cheerios to herself and kid off the floor (if it's less than 5, okay, 10 seconds)? Hmm? Probably slim. Very slim. Nonetheless, I'm working hard to get MY NAME back. For now, (though you got here so you already know, but thanks for allowing me to be anal anyway) you can find me directly at:

www.j-kosblog.blogspot.com

In the meantime, check out the Spotlight Interview I did for Mommy Track'd with Lisa Whelchel a.k.a. Blaire Warner from "Facts of Life". It will come as no shock to you that my first question to her was about George Clooney....

COCKTAIL, PLEASE

About 15 years ago, as I laid in bed practically hallucinating from a horrible flu/fever watching what seemed like the most magical infomercial ever, I decided I needed the Mob Hits CD Volume 1.... And 2. I think I had just written a paper on "Good Fellas" and must have been in the mafia mode (or just craving pizza), and just had to have it. (Plus it was free shipping and handling, and I think they were offering a snow globe too. It was a deal. Trust). I probably listened to it once or twice and that was that... It got buried with my Edie Brickell and Toad of the Wet Sprocket never to be seen again...

That is, until my Dean Martin and Louis Prima loving TODDLER came in to the picture...

It's kind of a long story, but in a nutshell, the Mob Hits CD is now one of Baby-Ko's most beloved soundtracks. Specifically, Mambo Italiano, Volare, and Oh Marie are his faves. What's even funnier is that his random taste in music spans beyond Luis Prima and Dean Martin- He's also obsessed OBSESSED with the Beach Boys. Apparently, his sweet babysitter A, likes to listen to K-Earth 101 and they play a lot of "oldies" and Kokomo came on once or twice (so sad that Kokomo is an oldie!) and Baby-Ko responded to it, so she made him a CD. Long story short, he now asks for Kokomo pretty much every time we get in the car.

Well, one day, amidst a horrifying tantrum, in an attempt to get him to calm down, I suggested I put on Kokomo. I turned on the computer, logged in to YouTube and voila, the Beach Boys saved the day....

"Amuma, amaica, ooh I anna take'a... bemuma bahama.. c'uh on pitty mama.." He sang sweetly.

Beach boys. Who knew?

It wasn't until days later that I actually LOOKED at the video of Kokomo that Baby-Ko had been watching and realized it was the official song/video from the movie "Cocktail." First of all, does anyone remember this video? There are chicks in total 80's big bangs/ high wasted bikinis dancing and scenes of Elizabeth Shue and Tom Cruise making out. Second, where the eff did John Stamos come from? He's the weird/ spazzy drummer in the video in a terrible pink tank top. WTF?!

To top it off, my brilliant little man realized that if Kokomo exists on the "puter" then so must his other go-to's. "I want Mambo Ta-wee-ano, Mommy!" Somehow, when the videos for Mambo Italiano came on, Baby-Ko knew (because he pointed and said "dat one") that he wanted the Dean Martin video.

At first, I felt bad for letting my barely 2 year old son watch these videos, but then as he asked for Volare again (which is just a slide show of pictures of Italy with the song playing over), I wondered how bad could it be...? I mean, let's face it, reading or drawing is probably a better activity, but if my son likes the sounds of afternoon delight, cocktails and moonlit nights, can I fault him?

In the meantime, I'm trying to work in the new Michael Buble single into the arsenal too. That one takes place at a grocery store. Believe me, I could come up with something educational and instructive for that one if I needed to... Look! Bananas, Melons....

RULE THE ROOST

Discipline. The D Word. Something I've never been very good at when it comes to myself (diet, exercise, french fries etc.)... and something I'm realizing that I'm not so great at when it comes to my son. Shortly after Baby-Ko turned 1 and started "testing," I remembered the pride I felt when a mere look or simple redirection of attention settled his urge to do the "don't" and I certainly didn't need to use the evil "N" word. I had mastered parenting at an early age (both mine and his), and I thought whoever invented "time out" could just suck it. My kid's GOOD. Really good... which according to Wacky, you're never really supposed to say because it actually gives them this whole personality disorder or something like that...

But I digress...

The point is, Baby-Ko is now 2 and because I've been back to work full time for the last year and because I no longer have any Wacky's (other than my wonderful family members) coaching me through the (not-so) "terrible two's," I feel like I'm completely clueless when it comes to the discipline department these days. (Certainly, you remember the Vacuum incident that rocked the nation....?)

Baby-Ko's newest thing is to swing his beloved (and filthy) blankie in the air... first he starts out doing it cutely, as if he enjoys feeling his blankie around his body, side to side. Then he starts getting closer to people or things, and the blankie sort of turns in to a whip. I suppose it could potentially really hurt another person, but mostly it's just annoying and I'm not sure why he does it, and I'm certainly not sure how to get him to stop-- as taking his blankie away isn't an option.... I don't think... (is it???)

For whataver reason, the other morning, Baby-Ko decided to test his limits again with said blankie. Carrying it in his little hands, he marched right in to the bathroom, lifted up the toilet lid and dropped it in the bowl.

First, he felt like ballsy.

Then, he was proud....

Then, he was screwed....

Not knowing whether to laugh, discipline, or be grateful for the fact that the toilet had JUST been flushed, I shook my head, said nothing, got a plastic bag, removed the now ass ridden blankie from the toilet, and carried it right to the washing machine.

For the next 45 minutes as the washer and dryer removed the germs and frayed corners that my son so derives comfort from, Baby-Ko was devastated and distraught by his decision. I did my very best, as he stood in the laundry room sobbing and pleading for his blankie to come out, to explain the consequence of what happens when we put things in the potty (that don't belong). But honestly, he didn't care.... My normally happy son who loves nothing more than to help me "do laundry," was being tortured by a great white blankie eating shark.

Fortunately, in a few weeks Wacky is holding a lecture for Two Year olds (well for the parents of two year olds that is) and I am attending. I very much look forward to a little Wacky gospel... Of course, I'm not sure she'd approve of redirecting a tantrum with YouTube videos or Sesame Street... Shh. Let's just keep that between us for now... okay?

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE

For the first time in what feels like forever, it finally feels like fall here in Sunny LA. Sure, fall in LA means 72 degrees (i.e. a cute cotton scarf over a short sleeved v-neck tee) and is considered kind of "p*ssy" compared to the big boy cities that really do experience four seasons... We may not feel the onset of football, turtlenecks, and "hot totties" (or whatever it is you East Coasters do in October), but we do feel the "boot effect" come in to play, and you know what people: In my opin, it's better than hot apple cider and raking leaves. To me, there is nothing better post a long summer (with no air conditioner because apparently "the West side is breezy at night") than being able to break out my favorite pair of boots, throw them over jeans or with a short dress (because let's face it, it's still hotter than hell some days) and not feel like I'm season pushing.

More importantly, with the slight drop in temperature, it also means my evenings have purpose: Fall TV. This year I outsmarted my DVR and the slew of shitty summer reality shows, and waited until a week or two ago to watch the season finale of Lost AND Grey's Anatomy. Therefore, I'm picking up pretty much where I left off. Even better, there are a ton of new really smart and funny shows on that I've added to my list.... I'm loving Modern Family and Community. Another show that I'm absolutely going to start watching is Accidentally on Purpose with Jenna Elfman.

I had the privilege of visiting the AOP set last week for a Tweet Up event and seriously felt like a kid at a fun and witty candy store.

Jenna Elfman, who is pregnant (in real life) and when I say glowing, I mean GLOWING, couldn't have been more gracious and darling-- taking photos and what seemed like a genuine interest in our lives. It was so sweet to watch her on set with her husband (who I think she said she's been with for like 18 years) and their adorable son Story who popped in for a visit. She and fellow actresses Lennon Parham and Ashley Jensen delivered their well written lines with a very natural rhythm.

One of the biggest treats was the visit to the writer's room, where apparently they have a fruit fly and odor problem (which I can only imagine is due to shitty take out at midnight brought in by a very eager to please PA), was so exciting and inspiring-- Their Executive Producer, Claudia Lonow, who rocked the cutest glasses and boyfriend blazer, was so lovely and inviting. Not only does this woman run the show and is obviously smart and wickedly funny, but she's a mom. I hate to be corny about the whole "moms can do it too" thing, but watching Claudia and other big-time producers like Gail Berman run the floor and command the set, was so exciting and inspirational.

I want that.

THAT.

I want to write for a brilliant sitcom and brainstorm with other funny (self deprecating) writers over late night Poquito Mas in an inevitably sarcastic and smelly room. I want to use my personal life and crazy imagination to tell stories and make people laugh....

Then.... After a long day, I want to come home to my house on the hill (by the the beach) and spend time with my family... And take them for soccer practice and french fries... and on Monday start all over again....

I WANT THAT.

Someday... hopefully... soon.

Anyway, the point is, despite an iPhone that was pretty much on fire by the time I left set from all my tweeting, it was awesome to meet so many bloggers and of course interact with all the cast and crew. My only regret: not taking advantage of what looked like an amazing craft service spread... I mean, let's face it, the next best thing to Fall TV and Fall Boots is Fall (Free) Food!