ME... AND EVERYONE ELSE

Over the weekend I saw Up in The Air, a film that centers on the recent economic plunge this country has taken. Plot-wise, while I've been going back and forth in my mind whether or not I loved it, there is one thing I'm certain of: HOT-wise, George Clooney is still very much number 1 on my list. Having said that (hello Larry David), no amount of his perfectly salt and peppered hair could have taken the depression away that lingered from watching his character Ryan and his company lay off thousands of people from their jobs each day....

Considering that I too am currently unemployed (i.e. devoid of a "real" job and "real" work and certainly devoid of the income that comes along with those "real" things), I felt the fear during those scenes. Not knowing where my next check is going to come from has definitely made me feel a little sorry for myself... If I don't have a "real" paying job, and don't get paid for what I love to do (write!) then how do I measure my success?

Today I literally called three different retailers nearby to see if they needed extra help during the holidays with gift wrapping (they're not hiring. Go figure). But, I mean... Really?! That's what it's come to? Gift wrapping?! Like in the stock room with the teenagers picking up extra money during Winter Break?! (BTW, you can thank the job I had at Williams Sonoma during high school doing the exact same thing for my appreciation of copper cookware. Nerd.) The point is, What's next?? Becoming a cashier at Hot Dog on a Stick??? I mean, my life seems to be working in reverse and I feel like with each and every day (that I don't get "the job") I lose the ability to go after what I really want... Will I ever have "the job"? Will I ever do something worthy? Something good? Something that gets on the map? Something that puts me across from Barbara Goddamn Walters?!?!?

(Not so) Ironically, it is my 2 year old who continues to talk me off the ledge and calm my fears. This morning, chasing him down the block as he stomped and crunched leaves in his big boy rain boots, he came to a complete halt. Turning the corner, was what seemed like the most massive garbage truck I have ever seen.

"Whoah, Baby-Ko. Look at the garbage truck!" I said.

His eyes lit up.

Slowly, the Garbage Truck drove up the block towards us.

Baby-Ko started to wave. "Hiiii Garbage Truck! Hiiii!"

As it pulled up along side of us, the window rolled down: Two Garbage Men with the biggest smiles you've ever seen leaned in and waved back. "Hiiii!" They said as they honked their horn.

"Byeee Garbage Man!!" Baby-Ko shouted back and sort of leaped in delight, "Byeee!"

My heart was warmed and in that moment I knew that it doesn't matter who I become.... That no matter where I end up, what I end up doing, and whether or not it's where I thought I would be, somehow in some way, I will (hopefully) put a smile on someone's face....

I just hope it's not bagging groceries at Trader Joe's. Because between the Ginger Snaps and Pita Chips, I could get very fat working there very easily...

ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE

For the first time in what feels like forever, it finally feels like fall here in Sunny LA. Sure, fall in LA means 72 degrees (i.e. a cute cotton scarf over a short sleeved v-neck tee) and is considered kind of "p*ssy" compared to the big boy cities that really do experience four seasons... We may not feel the onset of football, turtlenecks, and "hot totties" (or whatever it is you East Coasters do in October), but we do feel the "boot effect" come in to play, and you know what people: In my opin, it's better than hot apple cider and raking leaves. To me, there is nothing better post a long summer (with no air conditioner because apparently "the West side is breezy at night") than being able to break out my favorite pair of boots, throw them over jeans or with a short dress (because let's face it, it's still hotter than hell some days) and not feel like I'm season pushing.

More importantly, with the slight drop in temperature, it also means my evenings have purpose: Fall TV. This year I outsmarted my DVR and the slew of shitty summer reality shows, and waited until a week or two ago to watch the season finale of Lost AND Grey's Anatomy. Therefore, I'm picking up pretty much where I left off. Even better, there are a ton of new really smart and funny shows on that I've added to my list.... I'm loving Modern Family and Community. Another show that I'm absolutely going to start watching is Accidentally on Purpose with Jenna Elfman.

I had the privilege of visiting the AOP set last week for a Tweet Up event and seriously felt like a kid at a fun and witty candy store.

Jenna Elfman, who is pregnant (in real life) and when I say glowing, I mean GLOWING, couldn't have been more gracious and darling-- taking photos and what seemed like a genuine interest in our lives. It was so sweet to watch her on set with her husband (who I think she said she's been with for like 18 years) and their adorable son Story who popped in for a visit. She and fellow actresses Lennon Parham and Ashley Jensen delivered their well written lines with a very natural rhythm.

One of the biggest treats was the visit to the writer's room, where apparently they have a fruit fly and odor problem (which I can only imagine is due to shitty take out at midnight brought in by a very eager to please PA), was so exciting and inspiring-- Their Executive Producer, Claudia Lonow, who rocked the cutest glasses and boyfriend blazer, was so lovely and inviting. Not only does this woman run the show and is obviously smart and wickedly funny, but she's a mom. I hate to be corny about the whole "moms can do it too" thing, but watching Claudia and other big-time producers like Gail Berman run the floor and command the set, was so exciting and inspirational.

I want that.

THAT.

I want to write for a brilliant sitcom and brainstorm with other funny (self deprecating) writers over late night Poquito Mas in an inevitably sarcastic and smelly room. I want to use my personal life and crazy imagination to tell stories and make people laugh....

Then.... After a long day, I want to come home to my house on the hill (by the the beach) and spend time with my family... And take them for soccer practice and french fries... and on Monday start all over again....

I WANT THAT.

Someday... hopefully... soon.

Anyway, the point is, despite an iPhone that was pretty much on fire by the time I left set from all my tweeting, it was awesome to meet so many bloggers and of course interact with all the cast and crew. My only regret: not taking advantage of what looked like an amazing craft service spread... I mean, let's face it, the next best thing to Fall TV and Fall Boots is Fall (Free) Food!

THE SECRET ABOUT THE SECRET

Despite the fact that Oprah swears by it, and the rest of the world drinks the same Kool-aid too, I've never been entirely convinced that there is a "seeeeecreetttttt!" While I'm all for "living my best life," finding the time to motivate and go after what I want is a challenge in and of itself.... Um, which is why I could actually benefit from a self help/ find your inner blah blah blah book altogether....

After sharing a slew of anxieties with a friend, she suggested I read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose." She told me it will take some time to get in to it. That the beginning is "boring." But then, "it gets good" and it all starts to make sense. Well... (a whole) TWO pages and SIX months later, my life's purpose is still sitting on the dining room table...

But make no mistake. It is there .... that big, perfect, life of mine. I mean, it's really there... And it's good! It's happy and shiny and oh, so very well rested. It's skinny but healthy... It's up in the hills in a gorgeous, but perfectly kid friendly house.... by the beach. It's successful... creative and wealthy, and very on my own terms... out of my "home office..." But not sooo successful that I have to give up all that is near and dear and that my kid(s) never get to see me. Oh no, they see me. And it's not just in the morning during Sesame Street and milk... or after work (during Sesame Street and milk). I'm actually there and present, AND I give them macaroni and cheese NOT because of my lack of time (and zest for all things plucked from the farmer's market), BUT because they just want good ol' Kraft (not even the 365 brand).... and frankly, I'm so enlightened that I have come to terms with that and everything else that I cannot control.....

Okay. Fine. Let's not get crazy. I mean even the Dalai Lama knows that some macaronis are better than others. The point is.... my life may "be there", but it's not going to start being unless I go after it.

Welll, shiiiit.

Who needs philosophers and wisdom.

It's called Eat, Pray, Have a Two Year Old.

And if that ain't the secret to "The Secret," then I don't know what is.....