THE PRICE WE PAY...

More often than not, when it comes to a 30 lb. boy with sparkly brown eyes, I have a hard time saying "No." To be perfectly honest though, I think I may preempt his protests with an automatic cave in.... Take yesterday for example... We had just left an incredible birthday party at Giggles and Hugs. Jonah had his face painted, a balloon blown into a dragon (er, dinosaur?), a big piece of cake, two kinds of ice cream and even a life size bubble blown around his body. To quote his new favorite television show, The Fresh Beat Band, "We had a great day, it was a super way, to spend some time together." Btw, side note- if you don't watch this with your child: Please do. Share in my horror. With lines like "hip hop and pop, my legs just won't stop," I feel very alone. Join me.

ANYWAY, there are these carts, these fire truck carts, outside the market... And on our way out, as I was schlepping a shopping bag with a dozen apples and grape juice to make Charoset for Jonah's preschool Seder (this I'll save for another post), the gift bag from the party, and the dinosaur (er, caterpillar?), the 30 lb. boy's eyes twinkled just right and his voice sang just so:

"Mommy, can I go in the fire-"

"YES."

Am I sucker for his cuteness? Yes. But in less than 3 seconds of him asking, I saw life without this firetruck cart flash before me. It was a hard 10 minutes. One where there would have definitely been tears, tantrums, and a fancy balloon getting popped. We would have eventually made it to my car... but along the way, it would have been gnarly, tough and all around unpleasant.

I took out my credit card.

Yes, credit card. These carts cost $7.

Breathe.

Yes, SEVEN DOLLARS.

SWIPE.

My purse went in the bottom compartment with the dangling green worm. Our groceries, his gift bag went into the front seat, and the batman painted fire chief went on the top seat.

"Here we go!" I said.

"Thank you, Mommy. Thank you."

Wha-- whaaat? He gets it? He gets THIS?

"You're welcome, baby. Let's go for a ride."

It was a short ride. The market and my car... very close. In fact, I even asked him if we should go for a spin around the mall since we had this cool car. He said no, he was ready to go home. So we did. 10 minutes tops in this cart. $7 on my Visa.

For me $7 was a small price to pay for 10 minutes of calm. The rest of the night was flawless. No protests. No drama. Was it the cart? Does saying "yes" do the trick? What things do you give in on or pay for, for the sake of keeping the peace?

THE SECRET ABOUT THE SECRET

Despite the fact that Oprah swears by it, and the rest of the world drinks the same Kool-aid too, I've never been entirely convinced that there is a "seeeeecreetttttt!" While I'm all for "living my best life," finding the time to motivate and go after what I want is a challenge in and of itself.... Um, which is why I could actually benefit from a self help/ find your inner blah blah blah book altogether....

After sharing a slew of anxieties with a friend, she suggested I read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose." She told me it will take some time to get in to it. That the beginning is "boring." But then, "it gets good" and it all starts to make sense. Well... (a whole) TWO pages and SIX months later, my life's purpose is still sitting on the dining room table...

But make no mistake. It is there .... that big, perfect, life of mine. I mean, it's really there... And it's good! It's happy and shiny and oh, so very well rested. It's skinny but healthy... It's up in the hills in a gorgeous, but perfectly kid friendly house.... by the beach. It's successful... creative and wealthy, and very on my own terms... out of my "home office..." But not sooo successful that I have to give up all that is near and dear and that my kid(s) never get to see me. Oh no, they see me. And it's not just in the morning during Sesame Street and milk... or after work (during Sesame Street and milk). I'm actually there and present, AND I give them macaroni and cheese NOT because of my lack of time (and zest for all things plucked from the farmer's market), BUT because they just want good ol' Kraft (not even the 365 brand).... and frankly, I'm so enlightened that I have come to terms with that and everything else that I cannot control.....

Okay. Fine. Let's not get crazy. I mean even the Dalai Lama knows that some macaronis are better than others. The point is.... my life may "be there", but it's not going to start being unless I go after it.

Welll, shiiiit.

Who needs philosophers and wisdom.

It's called Eat, Pray, Have a Two Year Old.

And if that ain't the secret to "The Secret," then I don't know what is.....

BALANCE, SHMALANCE...

As I closed Baby-Ko's door, I glanced at the clock and the "how much time do I have until he wakes up from his nap" game began. My to-do list is never ending, yet not enough drip from Starbucks could cure my exhaustion. Take a nap or take a trip to the grocery store? Take a nap or write? Take a nap or put away laundry? Take a nap or spend time with my husband? It's always about trying to find the balance and choosing between me, someone, or something else. I remembered what Dr. Karen Hill-Scott, Early Childhood and Development Consultant for Baby Einstein had to say: THERE IS NO BALANCE.

**

Last week, I had the privilege of attending a blogger summit hosted by Baby Einstein. They gathered several "mommy bloggers and writers" to see what the mommy world had to say about BE and share with us some new products. It was a really interesting event and I met some incredibly smart and talented women (which I plan on blogging about this week!).  When the topic of motherhood came up,  Dr. Hill-Scott, who I believe has 4 children and 8 grandchildren, shared what I thought was a beautiful analogy. She said she didn't believe in "balance." She said life is a freeway with 6 lanes... you just got to go and look over your shoulder as you change lanes.... There's no way to have it all- and unfortunately, (if you're a working mom) putting your husband first is totally unrealistic. Just go fast, go slow, change lanes and drive at a speed depending on what's going on... You're either in the fast lane or the slow lane but you can't drive in all lanes at once...

Obviously, Dr. Hill-Scott didn't just reinvent the wheel with her analogy but hearing it on a day  that I was dealing with what felt like 900 mini disasters (including a major plumbing issue due to me accidentally flushing the toilet paper holder down the toilet... don't ask), meant so much and resonated with me deeply....

**

I ended up taking a nap, then writing a bit, then sitting with my husband for about 25 seconds before the baby woke up. I even got to see my best friend for dinner last night. The laundry never got put away, but there's always tonight... depending on how fast I drive home...