SOME QUESTIONS

My son asks a lot of questions. Always has. And while his curiosity and his need to know the details and inner workings of everything inside and out is inspiring and infectious (and entirely genetic), there are days, that I. Just. Can't. Take. The. Questions. Especially when I have no answers... Or I do, but they don't even make sense.

For instance, I think a long time ago Jonah saw a video of Lady Gaga performing and then maybe Usher too, and they both were on stage and coming out of smoke. Okay, fine. Theatrics. Fantastic. BUT, now whenever J hears a song playing, he always asks: "Where does this singer come out of on the stage mommy? Does he come out of smoke?"

Sometimes, depending on who is singing, (like Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Rihanna, etc) I say, "Yes, they came out of smoke" (because, let's face it. These names are synonymous with Dry Ice). His next question after that is always, "Is it hot?" I explain to him that it's not the hot kind of smoke. It's the cool kind. And with the lights, it looks super smoky and hot (literally and figuratively).

But when it's another singer, like his favorite Dean Martin (oh, 'tis true) and he asks me if he comes out of smoke during "Mambo Italiano," I feel like I can't lie. I usually just say, "No, he didn't come out of smoke. He just walked out... from back stage...." Which then leads to a whole slew of questions about curtains and what happens when they go up, and when they go down and how does "Deem Marden" get off the stage....

I know the whole thing sounds wacky and complicated, but what am I to do? He's asking me very detailed questions about the strangest thing, and if you think you can explain to a 4 year old how the backstage at Staples Center works and what a Stage Manager does, then I will happily allow you to come over and diagram this shit out for him.

But I digress....

So this particular topic comes up a lot and it's one of those questions that my brain goes dead and no matter what answer I give him, it doesn't satiate him. He can't let it go. If I could only understand what it is that he's really trying to understand then I think he'd move on to another odd/quirky curiosity. OR, maybe I just need to come up with more convincing answers...

Case in point: The other day.... We were in the car listening to "Give Me Everything Tonight..." You know...Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Afrojack's hit. Right....

SONG: Me not working hard? ...Yea right picture that with a kodak
And better yet, go to times square... Take a picture of me with a kodak...

Jonah: What's Times Square?

Me: An area in New York with lots of buildings and television screens. It's really cool.

Jonah: How cool?

Me: Like one of the coolest places in the world.

Jonah: Do they have casinos?

Me: Nope. No casinos.

SONG: Excuse me... But I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight...And I might take you home with me if I could tonight...

Jonah: Why is he going to drink more tonight?

Me: He's super thirsty. From dancing at the club.

Jonah: What club?

Me: This club.

Jonah: WHAT club????

Me: THIS club. This club that he's singing about. People go there to dance.

Jonah: Can we go there to dance?

Me: It's for adults.

Jonah: How old?

Me: You have to be 21.

Jonah: How about 22?

Me: Even better.

Jonah: Mommy, why is he going to take "a baby" home from the club tonight?

Me: Oh, the baby's mommy couldn't drive. So he's helping.

See... there are some questions I have the answers to. The other stuff... It's a little, well... smokey.

Speaking of questions... Join me on Thursday, Sept. 1st at 7am PST/ 10am EST as I'll be a guest on Living the Dream Radio with Nina Frye. I'm so excited for this opportunity. Please feel free to call in (877) 864-4869, or chat with us live (see link below), ask me questions about my blog, my life, my terrible parenting strategies ... AND tell the world how much you love my blog. Kay? Kay. Thanks. ;-)

www.toginet.com/shows/livingthedreammom

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: SLINKY

I guess he didn't get the memo about these things being cool on things like stairs...

LANGUAGE BARRIER

Here's the thing: I like sports. I do. I like watching sports. I do. And it's probably mostly because I like men... and chips (...and dip...and beer), but still, I like sports. I do. However, it's a language, that doesn't come naturally to me. I hear the announcers speaking. I hear words. English words, even... Yet, I simply do not comprehend. SIR, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. In fact, without fail, every Superbowl, I have to relearn what is happening. Generally speaking, of course, I know the importance of a touchdown or a defensive tackle (just kidding, I really don't), but when it comes to following the game and the intricacies of the sport- I'm lost. I don't follow.

I've always attributed my inability to comprehend sports talk with the fact that I grew up with a single mom and I sang Dionne Warwick songs in the shower... and for anyone that would listen. But lately, I realized it's something else. I am a female. (Yes, there are those women who GET sports and understand what Al Michaels is saying, I know.) But there is a chemical, I think, missing from my brain- a deficit in the lobe or hemisphere or whatever of my brain where language comes from, that it simply down for the count.

It occurred to me recently that THIS language barrier though doesn't stop at sports. The other day, Jonah begged me to buy him a Transformers book. First off, isn't he a little young? Second, I said yes. I want to be the cool mom that can talk all things Decepticon and Opitmus Prime. Except, what the F is a Decepticon ?! As I read him this book, and his face lit up, I expected him to ask seven thousand questions about what was happening and why Autobots are firing missiles (missiles?! really? He's not even 4!) BUT, he said nothing! He listened as if he actually understood what all this meant. In fact, the only thing he asked was what a "Corvette" was (Apparently "Sideswipe" turns into a Corvette?? I don't know. It's confusing). ANYWAY, my point is, I'm relieved... because though he has a single mom and we may watch Mary Poppins together, at the end of the day, he has been born, and maybe even blessed, with a gene that I will never have... He will understand the world of the Galactic Empire... he will appreciate Middle-Earth, and he will find movies like "Caddyshack" and "Fletch" funny until he's well into his 30's....

Inherently, I have a boy. And apparently, he's already from Mars....

Well. Okay... Go Lakers.

SHOPPING SEARS STYLE

For those of you that don't live in the world of all things (mom) blog, two weekends ago, I headed down to San Diego to attend BlogHer. There were about two dozen incredible and fun things that happened that weekend thanks to the Kate to my Alli, Diane Mizota, and my future bridesmaid (though she doesn't know it) Jenny Feldon. But one of the best parts of the weekend, was that I got to spend the day shopping for Sears Style with the beautiful Erika Lehmann and Ellen of Thrifty and Chic Mom. The mission of Sears Style is to make women look and feel good in affordable and stylish clothing. Well, I gotta tell you. I was delightfully surprised by the outcome of this mission....

We definitely shopped 'til we dropped...

Cute UK French Connection dress.... Fun print...

I wanted to try on a romper... just to see....

Yep... and now I know: No!

This blazer was really cute. I ended up buying it too- from UK French Connection. (Yes, I will wear it in public with a shirt underneath. Everyone settle down).

Gotta suck it in...

This was a UK French Connection dress. Needed a strapless bra (and better boobs).

How fun is shopping with friends??

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! I loved the skirt.... $39.99. Tee Shirt $5.99. Hello!

And now it's time to shop for shoes....

How hot are these from the Kardashian Collection? $59.99. Not exactly cheap (for Sears) but they look fab.

Then of course, you have to find accessories... They had a great selection...

Thank you to the Sears Style Team and Collective Bias for a fabulous day!

VACATION OR "STAY-CATION?"

So the word around town these days is that more and more families are opting to take "stay-cations," rather than yes, you guessed it VAAAAAAAY-cations. Okay, to be completely fair, I don't really actually know for certain that more families are doing this... I mean, I haven't seen a statistic or poll on this, BUT given the general state of our economy (which, feel free to email me and actually explain what the eff is happening to our economy and why Wall Street is crumbling. Hi, I majored in theater.), taking a stay-cation with your family actually seems like a wise and quite lovely choice. Recently, I shot this segment for Her Say, sponsored by Oscar Meyer. I really don't know what to tell you except that, I mean, you know... Quality time means quality lunch meat. Or something like that.

Enjoy.

Well if you want a real vacation with a real tan (and maybe a cabana boy), head to Her Say! We're giving away a 5 day/4 night Beaches Resorts Luxury Included® Vacation in Jamaica, with airfare for 4, provided by Delta Vacations! Amazing, right? AND It's super simple to sign up. DO IT. And take me. CLICK HERE.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: TIME WILL TELL

One of my favorite views from one of my favorite cities....

A LOT OF LOVE

From the back seat....

J: Mommy, how much do you love me?

Me: Soooooooo, much.

J: How much? (Opening his hands). This much?

Me: Oh, way more.

J: How much more?

Me: To the moon and back, around the world 98 million times, to the bottom of the ocean floor and up, then around the world again. That much.

J: I love you that much too.

Me: I'm so glad.

J: NO. Mommy. NO. I love you... (Opening his arms). To the roof, to the neighbors, to Disneyland, all the way to the beach, and down Coldwater Canyon, and around the world 47 hundred 3, 5, zero, times. I love you that much.

Me: Wow, that's a lot.

J: Yeah. It's a lot... And do you know what else?

Me: What's that?

J: It's really far to the moon.

Me: I know.

J: What's a moon rock?

Me: That's a good question.

J: Do you know. What. I. Want. To. Be. Um, mommy, mommy, mommy. Do. You. Know. What. I. Want. To. Be-

Me: Yes?

J: Do. You. Know. What?!

Me: What darling?

J: I want to be an ASTRONAUT on Halloween.

Me: An astronaut. Okay! Very cool.

J: Can you get that for me, Mommy?

Me: I'll see what I can do.

J: Mommy, what will you be?

Me: A pretty mommy.

J: No, mommy. Something else. How about a princess?

Me: I like princesses--

J: A princess with a tutu. And a wand.

Me: That would be fun.

J: Yeah. And you can come trick o treating with me. Okay?

Me: Thanks baby. I'd love that.

The car ahead of me sits at a light.

Me: (Under my breath) Come on, dude.

J: Mommy! No! That's a not nice word.

Me: What did I say?

J:. You. Cannot. Say. Dude.

Me: You're right. It doesn't sound very nice. I was frustrated.

J: But Mommy. I'm very disappointed.

Me: You're... You're disappointed?

J: Yes. When we get to Daddy's, you are going to have a time out.

Me: (Holding in my laughter) Oh, my goodness.

J: No IFTS, ands, or butts, mommy. That's the rule.

Me: Oh... You are in charge?

J: Yes, I am in charge. I am the boss. You cannot say not nice words.

Me: You're right, Jonah. I need to think about my language.

J: Never, never, again, Mommy.

Me: Never.... You're pretty angry at me. Huh?

J: I will still love you though.

Me: How much?

J: That much. (Uses his fingers).

Me: That's a lot less than before.

J: I'm still very disappointed.

XO

SHAKE IT

If I told you that I could sing along to almost any Cole Porter song, and ALSO recite the lyrics to Eazy E's "Give Me that Nut," would you believe me?

It's true. I grew up listening and singing to the same music as my grandparents grew up listening and singing to. Not sure why, but from a young age, I was drawn to standards... songs that evoked romance and hope. While at 16 I could be seen/heard blasting "I've Got a Crush on You" or "Fly Me to the Moon" from the borrowed 1980 Camarro (Nerd alert!), I could also be heard rolling through the streets of Beverly Hills with my girls listening to DJ Quick and Eazy E. We were gangsta like that, me and my little Jewish girlfriends. ;) I mean, seriously. We absolutely knew all the words to "Sweet Black P*ssy" (and to this day, I can still sing it for you).

Anyway, the point is, when it comes to music taste, I'm seriously all over the place... (though I can, with certainty, say that Christian Rock is not for me). But every now and again, we all hear a song that gets us going.... It might not be the kind of music you'd typically go for... but it's a song that invigorates or motivates you... or... strikes a chord on an emotional level... Maybe it's a song that makes you want to dance... or evokes some memories...

The other day, I discovered that song. I'll spare you the details on how/ why I decided I needed to have a singer (or is he a rapper?... Hello, aging myself) named Pitbull in my life. But thank god I found this song. Not only does it make me want to workout hard and run my ass off, but it drums up such memories.... Bahamas. College. Spring Break. Conch shells. Red Hurricanes. Red vomit. Lots of cigarettes. More vomit. Me having sex with another girl's boyfriend. Getting confronted by the girlfriend--10 years later-- at a bar. In New York. While visiting with my ex-husband. ANNNNNNYWAAAAAAY, the point is THIS SONG, this song-- it stirs all that up and more. And discovering this song RIGHT NOW, at a time in my life when my taste in music isn't the only thing all over the map, is just too perfect.

The only thing missing with it is a cold Red Stripe. Enjoy.