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Today is Rosh Hashanah, the celebration of the Jewish New Year. I have so much to be thankful for ... a healthy and beautiful child, a loving and hysterically funny husband, a generous family, a great new job, and a house (which could use a little organizing from time to time) that I absolutely love to come home to.  

While I'm only a week and a day in on this "working mom" thing, I am starting to "get it." The feelings of pressure, exhaustion, exhilaration as I try to balance a career and a home-life (baby, husband, dishes, etc). Even though I'm feeling swamped, here a couple things that I feel are worth mentioning:

1) We leave to Maui for Dirty Uncle P-Ko and Auntie Jo's wedding in TWO weeks from Thursday!! So excited. But remember that "hot bod" that I was supposed to have by the time I left, and that 30 day/30 min diet that I was doing to actually achieve the "hot bod..." Um, yeah.... Let's just say I'm going to be packing  a couple more poolside tunics than I had anticipated. If only they made spanxs bikinis....

2) I have been nominated for a SMILE AWARD! Thank you, Jackie!

Apparently, the characteristics of wining are:

1. Must display a cheerful attitude. (this of course does not apply at 3am when baby is up crying).

2. Must love one another.
3. Must make mistakes. (Me? Never!)
4. Must learn from others. 
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world. (Perfectly Disheveled, yo!)
6. Must love life.
7. Must love kids. (Adore. Obsessed. Crazy in love).

3) T-Ko went fishing on Sunday with a couple friends. He said it was the one of the most miserable day of his life... the water was horribly choppy, making the trip not only unpleasant but downright scary at times (especially when the coast guard issued a "small craft warning- return to the harbor immediately" warning). To top it off, the only thing he even caught was a bird!   Thankfully, T-Ko, albeit exhausted and bruised, made it home in one piece late Sunday night. Well, T-Ko, I can't believe I'm saying this, but: From now on, will you PLEASE stay home on Sunday and enjoy that NFL / Football Ticket thingy you have on Direct TV? It's sooo much safer. :-)

4) I recently wrote a post on MomLogic called "Forgive Me God, I have a Kid."  Some of the comments I received were a bit disconcerting.... some even offensive. I know I do not need to say it but I am proud to be a Jew. The beauty of my religion is that I can pray anywhere I want to, in anyway I want to-- That I can reflect and atone, and thank G-d for all that he has blessed me with. I also want to add that sure, I could bring the baby with me to temple, but like I said, he wouldn't sit still so I'd end up being outside in the lobby with him. So really, what's the point? And frankly, it's distracting and unfair to others. When he gets older, of course he will join us in our beautiful tradition.  Check out some of the comments though... People are awfully self-righteous and judgmental.  Jeez! 

With that, I would like to wish you ALL a VERY happy, healthy and sweet new year! 

L' Shana Tova!

SCARF GONE WILD

If it weren't for an obscene amount of television that I need to catch up on, I might be annoyed that my husband is at my brother in law's Bachelor party while I sit at home on a Saturday night. But fortunately, the season premiere of "Grey's Anatomy" was riveting (helllooo, Dr. Hunt!) and the season finale of "Weeds" fantastic, so I didn't have to time to sit around and think about what kind of debauchery he and the boys are getting in to. In fact, I don't even care. 

Seriously. I've learned my lesson and know that it's better (for everyone involved) to give it little heed and not think about what they're doing. Plus,  I pretend that they are at a yoga retreat, or a day at the spa, or at knitting class sipping cosmopolitans. In my mind, there are no nudie bars or boys behaving badly. Instead, I tell myself that they are all sitting around, talking about how much they love their wives instead of roasting/toasting the bachelor and telling him to "get out now," or "your life is about to end" as they proceed to drink themselves into oblivion so as to numb their pain.

Ha. The phone just rang. Looks like T-Ko is actually on his way home. (Kind of early). Hmm. Odd. Perhaps the bachelor got too drunk or T-Ko finished knitting his scarf... 

GETTING ADJUSTED

For the first time in 12 months, I know what day it is. It's Wednesday. My third day of work, Baby-Ko's third day of day care, and my third day of some serious constipation. (Wait, that's a whole other issue). Anyway, the point is, it's been quite a week already and my mind is racing with all sorts of things...

I am happy to announce that I'm now a full time writer/ producer at MomLogic.com. I have been a "network affiliate" with them with my blog but now I'm actually working there. First of all, returning to work has been a hell of a lot easier than I thought, not only because I'm actually doing what I love and am busy all day long, but because I'm working with a group of mostly women who are smart, funny, and fantastically dressed (which, by the way, makes me realize I have no clothes), but that are moms! So the fact that I'm working for, and with, a group of women who completely "get it" makes being away from the baby that much easier to deal with.

What hasn't been easy is the logistics as far as picking up and dropping Baby-Ko off at day-care. Traffic is a nightmare and today, as I sat in bumper to bumper for AN HOUR AND A HALF on the 101, I literally had a melt down. I worried that I was abandoning him and how scary it must feel to have his mommy come so late and how hungry he must be... all of these horrible things. Ironically, I wrote a post today about how Day Cares get a bad rap. As I sat in traffic, cursing the gods for gridlock and for not making me rich enough to hire Mary Poppins as my nanny, it occurred to me that even if he was at home with a nanny, I'd STILL be feeling this anxiety and guilt... Day Care. Nanny. Doesn't matter. Both aren't me. 

Nonetheless, the show must go on and mommy's gotta make some dough. She's also gotta make a poop. But that may take some time... after all, I'm still getting adjusted....

THE NEW JAMIE OLIVER

Well, tomorrow's the BIG DAY... I start a brand new full time job and Baby-Ko starts day care (full time). It goes without saying that it will be a week of adjusting and transition. I'm going to do my best tomorrow not to cry when I drop off Baby-Ko. In fact, I might take this picture with me to keep me smiling...  

I knew this kitchen was worth it....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

My Dearest Baby-Ko,

It's hard to believe that tomorrow you turn ONE.... that just 364 days ago I was at the hospital with Daddy and all of your Grandparents, waiting for you to make your entrance. And what an entrance you made....

You are without a doubt, the sunshine of my life. You are sweet, charming, and clever.... You are only 21 pounds and 2'5" to date, but boy, you are already such a big boy. Each and every day I grow more and more proud of you and am amazed by your your curiosity AND your understanding of the world around you.  

This past year, I have learned and changed so much.  Of course, being a good mommy is definitely a work in progress, so I hope you'll continue to be patient with me. Daddy said tonight that before we know it, you'll be 16 years old. Well, inevitably, one day you will be 16... but do you think  you would still let me hug and kiss you and sing "The Nearness of You" every night before you go to sleep? I'll let you think about it... you have 15 years...

Well my sweet sweet boy.... Tomorrow is your big day and I cannot wait to wake up and sing you "happy birthday" and give you lots of kisses (if we could do this anytime AFTER 6:30am, I'd greatly appreciate it though...). 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I LOVE YOU,

Mommy

TOP CHEF

Like most babies, mine is OBSESSED with DOORS. Open. Close. Open. Close. Kid could do it all day long. And, of course, now that he can pull him self to standing, and actually stay there for a while without falling, he now loves DRAWERS too. Open. Close. Open. Close. Well, it goes without saying that a tiled bathroom and kitchen with an old stove that constantly omits heat (and probably gas for that matter), is not exactly a safe play area for a child. SO, when my Nana asked me what Baby-Ko might like these days for his first birthday gift, it was a no brainer: A kitchen. He needs a play kitchen.

He's played with the Step 2 kitchen at various playrooms and friends houses, and he LOVED it. The drawers and cabinets, the refrigerator, the oven, the "microwave"....Open. Close. Open. Close. The kid was in heaven. BUT when I pulled the box out of the garage to assemble the kitchen, T-Ko was less than thrilled. DH was over and the two of them were cracking jokes left and right.


"Uh, babe. Do you see the pictures on the outside of the box?"
"I know. It's big, but I'll put it together."
"No. Not that. This is for GIRLS. There are two GIRLS playing with the kitchen," he said.
"Now I at least know what to get him for his birthday," DH chimed in. "An apron." I laughed.
"Dude, seriously. You're gonna make the kid gay." T-Ko said (knowing that this is actually impossible).
"That's ridiculous and you know it," I said and pulled out the drill gun. (Anyone catching on to the irony here?)

For a second I did second guess myself and wondered if T-Ko and DH were right... That maybe a kitchen was too "girly" and that maybe he should be playing with a dumpster or a truck (which he has and plays with). But that's ridiculous. Bobby Flay, Wolfgang Puck, Gordon Ramsey... Straight Men. Tough Men. Top Chefs. I'm perfectly fine with Baby-Ko in the kitchen. In fact, I'd be thrilled if he were a chef.

And as I sat on the floor, IN A DRESS, with a drill gun in my hand, while my husband actually flipped back and forth from the Food Network to the Chabad Telethon, I realized the whole thing was ridiculous. If playing with a kitchen makes Baby-Ko gay, then I guess that makes me a lesbian....

RECHARGED

Several months ago, during a Mommy & Me class, Wacky said that it was imperative that we go away with our husbands for at least one night WITHOUT the baby. She said that sending the baby to a Grandparent's house for the night and staying HOME doesn't count.... We have to go OUT OF TOWN or at least to a HOTEL "for the sake of our marriages." And she said that we MUST do this BEFORE the baby turns ONE. 

Well it only took 360 days... but we did it. We went away for the night WITHOUT the baby.... AND IT WAS WONDERFUL. For my birthday, T-Ko planned a mini-getaway to Palm Springs. We stayed at The Parker, which is soooooo up my alley. The interior design was done by Jonathan Adler, so it's very funky yet beautiful.  I was able to slip in to "vaca" mode the second we stepped foot into the hotel. Knowing that it was just T-Ko and I, no baby to tend to, no schedule to keep or house to tidy, I felt relaxed from head to toe!

Despite the fact that it was a 107 degrees, we lounged poolside and caught up on magazines, sleep, and EACH OTHER. We had fun with with each other, just each other, for the first time in a long time and it was so so great. We even ordered room service. Twice. In one night. 

Sure, we missed Baby-Ko and were thrilled to see him when we got home. But getting out of town for a little over 24 hours to reconnect, recharge and regroup WAS really exactly what we needed. Wacky, great advice. Thank you! Now where should T-Ko send the bill...?

DISTRACTION

With a million things on my plate and on my mind, I'm finding it hard to be creative and post something new. I am truly DISTRACTED. Ironically, it's actually "distraction" that made me feel like a genius tonight....

I'm sure I'm not the first parent in the world to HATE cutting their baby's finger nails. It's impossible and kind of exhausting, actually. T-Ko and I usually attempt this horrible feat during a bottle feed, when Baby-Ko's relaxed and zoned out. But it ultimately ends up stressful: one pinch and Baby-Ko's on to us- hands clenched in a fist, not willing to play along. I try my best to sway him with my "you want hot pink" nail salon shtick, but he doesn't go for it. We then put him to bed with chopped up, pointy nails and I spend the rest of the night worried that I will wake up to a baby who looks like he's just been attacked by a cub. 

WELL, tonight, I got wise. You see, like most babies, mine is OBSESSED with lights. He LOVES to turn them off and on.  It's become a routine, after phase 1 (his bath) , to bundle him up and on our way out of the bathroom, stop at the switch and play a few rounds of "On" and "Off." (I figure the rush of that fun game will keep him distracted for at least the beginning part of phase 2: diaper and pajamas, which he usually protests). WELL TONIGHT, it occurred to me that he's so distracted and happy playing with the switch, I could cut his nails!  

It was a joint effort. As I praised Baby-Ko and marveled at the "on!" and "off!" of the light, T-Ko swiftly cut our boy's talons. It was distraction at it's very best. It's nights like these that I actually think I have learned something this past year and will be at least a little less clueless the next time we have a baby.  Although, I may have to start coming up with a different way to distract Baby-Ko; turning lights on and off for no good reason is not a very good example of "taking care of our planet." But, damn. It sure is a way to conserve a lot of energy!

32.

32. Flip it around and it's 23. Ha. That was a fun age... It's hard to believe that was 9 YEARS ago. Actually, it's hard to believe that exactly one year ago today, I was 9 DAYS away from giving birth to a beautiful baby boy.  My birthday took a backseat to the state of my pregnancy (the peeing every ten seconds, my bulging varicose veins, the intense heartburn). It was pretty hard to celebrate the idea of turning 31 when there was so much else to look forward to.  

Now, one year later (peeing normally and taking tums only when needed), I am closing one chapter to my life and opening another. While 32 isn't really a "big" birthday, there are so many things going on that feel significant- that make me feel older and changed (not counting the grey hair that I noticed. Crap.)...  

For starters, as mentioned on a previous post, I'm returning to work in a couple weeks. Returning to work is a huge step on so many levels, of course... There are feelings of guilt...Deciding between day care or a nanny... dealing with the notion of 1st time separation from your child... wondering how you will formulate a sentence amongst adults when you can barely get through a round of "Goodnight Moon" without wanting to doze off.... so many things.

On top of all that, I am also having to say goodbye to our weekly Mommy & Me class. Yep, no more Wacky. I'm actually pretty bummed. First of all,  I started taking Wacky's class when Baby-Ko was 12 weeks old. I have made a really nice group of friends from the class and will not only miss our chaotic post-class lunches, BUT will of course miss dishing about Wacky's wackiness.  Second of all, I'm so bummed because Wacky told us that these two daddies would be joining us (they are life partners) with their 1 year old. I could have had Mommy & Me GAYS?! That sucks. 

ANYWAY, the point is... this is a great birthday. In addition to the wonderful gifts I've received and the delicious dinner I'm currently exploding from, I feel incredibly lucky to be in the position that I'm in right now. As scary as it kind of is, it's kind of neat to be at an age where you're making decisions and doing things that you always heard other people talking about or that you always wondered and thought about. Life decisions. Adult decisions. I AM IN IT.  And I'd take this thrill ride over the easiness of 23 any day.... WITHOUT the grey hairs, of course...

PERFECTLY DISHEVELED

It's just too apropos... I'm sitting here in my pajamas, sipping cold/old coffee, writing this post, listening to MBMB (that's: My Boyfriend Michael Buble) on The Today Show, on the phone with yet another customer service rep, waiting for the sound of Baby-Ko to come over the monitor, wondering if I will have time to take a shower (and maybe pluck an eyebrow or two) AND do some research on child care..... I'm kind of a mess.

For weeks now, I've toyed with the idea of changing my blog name.... wanting to find a title and name that really summed up the essence of who I am.... All these thoughts swirled around... I used to be off the charts Type A; now it's a minor miracle if I can even REMEMBER where I put the "to do" list or if I even wrote one up for that matter... I used to think out "my look" before I left the house; now I'm lucky if the dress I'm throwing on with a pair of flip flops isn't noticeably covered in Baby-Ko's lunch (from yesterday)... FORTUNATELY, on the outside I think I seem pretty put together (as if the scarf in my hair due to lack of washing was intentional). Yes, me spilling my FIVE DOLLAR Iced Cappucino all over the floor of Anthropologie yesterday as I accidentally pushed Baby-Ko's stroller into a display is ALL PART OF "THE PLAN." wink wink.

SO, with Baby-Ko turning 1 in a few weeks, me turning 32 AND returning to work after a year of staying at home (which I'm totally excited yet utterly anxious about), I think it's time to embrace the new me, the changed me... the PERFECTLY DISHEVELED me.

I will miss "Bodice and Beem-Beem," (an ode to my imaginary friends). But, they are not going anywhere...
I may be disheveled, but my imagination will ALWAYS run wild...

I GOT IT

Well, my friends, I'm happy to announce, my husband DID GOOD. He actually did better than good. He did great. I was convinced, after I got a few concerned texts and calls from him (baby wasn't napping, baby was pooping all day, Daddy didn't have time to eat lunch, etc.), that I'd be coming home to an exhausted, hysterical and overall pissed husband. But when I walked through the door late Sunday afternoon, T-Ko was smiling, the baby was beaming, and my house was surprisingly in tact. In fact, when I walked in, Baby-Ko was in his high chair, eating dinner and when I instantly went from the "Girls Gone Wild" mode that I had been in all weekend to J-Ko the Mommy and started to clean up, T-Ko said (without any thought or hesitation) "I GOT IT."

WHAT???? Just like that? YOU "GOT IT??"

WHAT? What happened to my husband? This is amazing. Three words that seemed to come so effortlessly and so nicely. Wow. less than 48 hours and my husband is a changed man.

Seriously, since coming home from Palm Springs, I have noticed a change in T-Ko... he's helpful, involved and quite frankly, I think has "seen the light." It seems like he "gets it now." T-Ko, my love, you done good. So good in fact, you're now a pro. Wanna show off your new skills again next weekend? :-)

****

SOME OTHER THOUGHTS....

1) PALIN. This woman freaks me out. She reminds me of a scary, bible thumping version of Tina Fey (who I think would make a better VP by the way). Just wondering how she plans to get America "back on track" if she can't get her daughter back on birth control...

2) Speaking of pregnant, I learned a new phrase from my Brittish girlfriend this weekend: "UP THE DUFF." It means "Knocked Up." (and is apparently very vulgar). I LOVE IT. Let's try it in a sentence, "Daughter to conservative and family value champion, Governor Sarah Palin, is UP THE DUFF." Sounds right to me.

3) 90210. Did anyone else watch it?? Like everyone else, I used to watch 90210 RELIGIOUSLY. I can remember thinking that Brandon and Dylan looked old even back then - that there was no way they were in their "teens." But this new version, is even more ridiculous. Not only are the girls BEYOND skinny, but bitches are OLD. Probably my age. Seriously! That said, IIIIIII was actually the one feeling old last night. Especially when I found myself identifying with the storylines of the parents, principals and having a crush on the hottest English teacher I ever saw! If only the faculty was that hot when I went to high school...