WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: THE APPLE DOES NOT FALL FAR...

Me at 3....

Him at 3...

OPEN LETTERS TO LOUD NEIGHBORS, "NO STRINGS ATTACHED," LADY GAGA AND MORE...

Dear Neighbors,

I'm starting to think you are covert spies and/or are running from the law, because shredding papers at 3:51am is just plain shady. Btw, does your cat wear heels?

Love,

Me

Dear Lady Gaga,

Congratulations. You have a new fan: Me. You can thank my 3 year old son for enjoying how "koo koo" you are and loving "Telephone." He... er, we're hooked.

Love,

Me

Dear Neighborhood Dog,

I can't blame you because you'd poop just about anywhere if you could, so if you could please pass this kind letter along to your owner, that'd be swell. Tell him this: Los Angeles is a real big city, would you mind taking your smushy, stinky, white- turded dog in for a bowel check-up? Something is just not right. OH, and if you would have your eyes checked out too, that'd be great. The last time I checked, my lawn was not meant to be a poo cemetery.

Love,

Me

Dear "No Strings Attached" Producers,

Cute concept... "friendship with benefits." But can we get real for one sec? a) Why are romantic comedies these days always about a gorgeous, successful guy head over heels for a gorgeous, successful girl who's too caught up in her life to want to be anything more than friends? I call BULLSHIT. In my life, I have yet to see that happen to anyone I know. Isn't always the opposite? And b) the tag line on the billboard: "Can Sex Friends Stay Best Friends." Yah. Um, okaaay. I'm no relationship expert, clearly, but isn't it much harder to stay "Sex Friends" when you're comfortable as "best friends?" Clearly Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore don't have a lot of ice cream and "The Office" reruns in bed nights.

Love,

Me

Dear Pretzel Stick,

Yes, it's a "carb free" day. But would you rather get stale and rot? Deal with it.

Love,

Me

Dear Massage Therapist,

Your hands were miracle workers and you gave one of the best massages I ever had this weekend. However, might I suggest that the next time you lean in to knead out a knot in someone's shoulder's, you make sure their hand isn't accidentally cupping your nuts as they fade into blissdom? Talk about slippage...

Love,

Me

Dear Neighbors,

Oh, I forgot to ask: Do you own a drawer factory up there? Please find what you're looking for and move on.

Love,

Me

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY: HOPE

Big hope.

Little hope.

IT ALL STARTS MONDAY

It all starts Monday.

I don't know what it is about new year's (and diets for that matter too), but no matter the day or date it falls on, my "new year" and the resolutions that I make and vow to keep don't actually go in to effect, in my mind, until MONDAY.

So it's only fitting that I discuss my resolutions TODAY, the THIRD day of the New Year....

I'm sick of saying how challenging 2010 was, so let me share something that really happened to me as an example that really ought to sum up just what a cluster effer of a year this one was: 2 flat tires in 2 days. DONE.

Though I have no idea what karmic luck, or lack thereof, is in store for me in 2011, I can at least try to put my best foot forward and try to make it all go a lot smoother....

Here's what I'm thinking.... Generally speaking, of course, as a laundry list of resolutions will surely bore you and, quite frankly, there would be too much I'd be making up. So I'm keeping it simple with three big areas that need to be tackled:

1) PARENTING: I want to figure it out. I'm not saying that it has to be perfect, but holy shit. I need to get better. From dropping empty threats, to not eating at the table nearly enough, I want to do it better and figure it out. Figure out what my son needs, BUT take control and lead the way so that there is no confusion of who is in charge. I want consistency, routine, and predictability to reign in both of our lives. And I want him/me to sleep more. A lot more.

2) FINANCES: I need to tackle my debt and figure out how to go from making ends meet to feeling like I'm again in control and leading the way. Feel free to send me a check and/or lotto ticket as I figure this one out...

3) BODY, MIND, SOUL: Take care of my body. Eat better. Eat more. Eat less. Workout more. Work less. Think about lovely things. Put the bad things behind me. Read beautiful stories. Write beautiful stories. Travel far. Travel near. Stay home more. Get out more. Let love in. Let some love go. Forgive myself. Forgive others. Trust that it will all work out. Be good. Be kind. Be me.

Happy new year.

12 DAYS OF MOMMY: BALLOON IN THE MOON

Day 11

For the past 6 months or more, I have ignored the notification on my computer indicating that my iTunes and pretty much every other application needs an update. I've also ignored the fact that after 2 years of this computer, I have never, repeat NEVER, officially backed up anything anywhere. From photos, to music, to important documents, to a SLEW of posts and scripts and ideas, nothing has been saved.

SO, when my bf gave me an iPad for the holidays (psyched!), I knew I was in store for some serious cyber organization.

Of course, I didn't know that I would get the charming, cute, and totally convincing Mark Zuckerberg of Apple when I went in to the store to have them set it up.

One Time Machine, Leopard something or other, and the "Kate Spade" of covers (yes, it's literally called Jack Spade), I left (broke) ready to get my tech back up ON.

Anyway, that's how Day 11 (and some of 12, 13, 14 and 15) was/will be spent... as there is more condensing, saving, and organizing to be had in every aspect of my life. I'm not complaining though. In fact, I'm thrilled. It just means I'm one step closer to the type-A organized freak that once reigned inside my head. Alas, there will be 365 chances in 2011 to find that old/new me. Thank god for Time Machines.

Day 12... The final chapter.

I decided that it would be perfect to end our last day of the 12 Days of Mommy (aka the 12 days of trying to eradicate all mom guilt) with taking a drive down to visit my brother, sis in law and nephew - topped off with a visit to my Nana who had hip replacement surgery last week.

First stop, a visit with Auntie J and Baby R to the duck pond to feed the duckies.... Though we've done this before and have never had a problem, today, the ducks were out of their friggin' minds.

I don't know if it was a drop in temperature, but we could barely make it down the path to the water before the ducks (and seagals- btw, we were NOwhere near the ocean) started to attack and follow us on a hunt for stale peppermint Trader O's (I had a hard time understanding how easily my bro and SIL seemed to part with these too, in case you're wondering).

Long story short, it wasn't long until we found ourselves (indoors) having milkshakes, burgers and fries at Ruby's, followed by a great and much needed haircut for Jonah. (Oh, did I mention the stop at the candy store?)

**Preface to the ending of this post: Whenever Jonah is given a balloon, he tends to immediately want to let it go... "to the moon." And every night when I wash his hair, in an effort to get him to lean back, I have to say, "look up at the balloon in the moon."**

Well, it seemed perfectly fitting that at the end of our day together, he would let it his purple balloon go to the moon. Something about this was beautiful to me. As this year ends and a new one begins, a balloon to the moon is the perfect send off....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

12 DAYS OF MOMMY: THE ZOO

Day 10

Wordless Wednesday - animal style.

12 DAYS OF MOMMY: OUT TO SEA

Day 9

After a morning of bagels, lox, coffee cake, and a visit from Grandpa B, we took a drive down to Newport Harbor (Balboa)....

A couple weeks back, I saw an awesome deal on Family Finds for $35 for a ride around the harbor to look at all the Christmas lights and decided to book it.

To date, Jonah's only other boat experience was on the Jungle Cruise and Small World at Disneyland so I thought it was time to take the boy to sea... Or at least to the marina.

We had some time to kill before the boat took off so we had some slices at a little boardwalk pizzeria that I had to convince Jonah was "Pizza Planet" from Toy Story so he would sit down and eat.

Once we got to the boat, it was smooth sailing. All the houses on Balboa Island and Lido Island were lit up and it was gorgeous.

The hot chocolate was definitely a highlight as was the moment Jonah was humming and I discovered it was from Wizard of Oz's "Munchkinland" song where the Coroner announces the witch is not "just merely dead, she's most sincerely really dead..."

I'm discovering that Jonah is a ham. In fact, later that evening, he requested the "dot com" song "from the commercial." Not sure how we figured it out, but he was talking about the Overstock.com commercial that is to the tune of jingle bells. Thanks to the intra-net, I found it on youtube. For your viewing pleasure, here is his version of it. (Pay close attention to the end/tag line. Brilliant).